Always Love First

Do not let things distract you from love. A common theme in my journal so far this year. Do not be so busy.

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See you can be doing things or be involved in things that are awesome but can be distracting you from His purpose. You could be so busy that you are hindering yourself from getting His love to a person or place that needs His love.

Busy is not from God. Who would want to keep us so busy that we are distracted?! Not God I can tell you that.

I love to do things. I love to help and serve. However, when I do great and awesome things it take time away from my family, or friendships that need some attention.

Please hear this: We should be servants. We should be helping others. But only when He tells us to do so.

We should also be willing to leave or let go of things whenever He tells us. We should be willing to drop things to spend more time building relationships with people. That could be our family, or kids or a perhaps maybe a person who doesn’t have Jesus in their life.

“What if someone is waiting for you to do what you were called to do to make someone else whole… healthy… healed….?” This was said by a fabulous lady one night when she have her testimony.

It hit me so hard. I instantly thought “how many times in my life had I put things (or people) aside and it had caused someone to not feel His love, not know him or caused them to not be who He had called them to be? ” How many times had it been done to me….I knew that answer all to well….and I knew I couldn’t be that person any longer.

Yet months later I still was that person.

I tend to put things on the back burner.. A LOT. Things I love to do. Things I desire to do. Things I want to do so badly that in my heart I ache for brushing it off. I put aside many things because of many reasons.

One main reason though: I am busy…distracted…keep thinking someday I will have time for that.

I fail to ask Him first and foremost what to lay aside that day and what to do. I fail to die to self. I fail to see that someday may never come.

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However; this is the old me. He has been quickly changing my steps. He has shown me how everyone is so busy. He never asked any of us to be this busy!

I want to love others. In order to love others there will be days I am asked to love others in ways that just seem crazy. In order to love others with no agenda and freely I have to be open to go wherever and whenever He takes me. In order to do that I can’t be so busy. So distracted.

So no longer can I put things on the back burner. I have to be intentional and walk with a purpose. I may have to put down some things that I was never suppose to pick up. I don’t want to miss what God has for me or be the cause for another to miss what He has for them.

I have to love when I am told and not when it fits in the schedule or budget.

His love will move us. His love will make our feet go in directions that we would have never thought of.

His love will have us do things that extravagantly. Not cautiously or conditionally.

We should never be too busy to love.

So pray and ask him what He may want you to stop doing, ask Him to reveal some distractions that stand in the way, and ask him to show you a person who needs His love.

Don’t wait. Be brave. Be His love this week! Don’t be distracted anymore.

❤️KGB

You ARE My Cup of Tea

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I wrote these words down for a chalk board idea for my daughter’s birthday tea party one week before I went on vacation. Little did I know how much these words were going to mean to me when I returned home.

See vacation wasn’t really a vacation.

It was a trip to see family; lots of family. Family that has history, drama and lots of personalities. After vacation my heart ached.

I went home to see family where from day one it felt like a big mistake. I continually feel like I don’t fit in. I am not wanted. The list goes on and on. Then of course the words, the looks; or the lack of words and looks back up the mix up feelings I am feeling.

I had gone on this trip to get some fresh air. To see a new perspective. My heart and mind were already so messed up; I needed a trip to refresh.

Then came the day. The day where I was already tired, feeling low and quite frankly just had had enough…The words were probably meant out of love, but it didn’t feel like love. They were hurtful. They confirmed how I already felt. I ruin everything. I am the worse mom.I am a bad daughter.I suck at everything.

If you haven’t read any of my other blogs you should know I believe this:

We can love people but we can’t save them.
We can love people but only God can fix them.
We can love people by loving them; faults and all.
We can love people by loving them; not finding their faults and calling out their faults.
We can only love people and showing them love helps them change.

Loving people is all He has called us to do.

So that is what I believe. As much as some times I would love to sit down and list off a person’s faults I just know it hurts more than it helps. I know it is just better to not do that. Especially when you don’t know their heart or the emotional state they are in.

When God wants you to help he will give the best opportunity and until then shut up.

Seriously. Can I get an amen?

-Anyways back to my post-

I came home with one empty love tank. Now please know my family means well. My grandparents love me. I know that. My love tank was on empty when I got there and I came home on empty. Not because of them but because of me.

So I did what I know and do best when I am trying to avoid. I cleaned. I rearranged. I got busy.

So the chalkboard sign was the first thing on the party to do list. I got my stencils out and started tracing the letters away. It didn’t take long to get it all traced and hung in the frame. I sat back and took a picture. That is when I saw my reflection in the glass. That is when I saw the words written literally on me.

On my heart. On my face.

You’re my cup of tea.

He reminded me in that moment that I am His. He picks me. He loves me. I may not be every one else’s choice but I am His.

I grieved over words that were said. I asked why am I this way and not that way?! Why can’t I get this right?! Why do they think that when that is not true?! Why do I think that when it is not true?!?

Not competing. Not this. Not that. Why am I here?!? I don’t speak right. I don’t parent right. Lord I am a complete mess! Failure!!!!!!

The anger and sadness just flowed. The questions kept coming. My face did hurt from the tears that streamed down. I just sat there asking why after why. Every thing that was said or had been spoken over me and things I had felt or said; laid at his feet.

You know what I heard again when I finally looked up?!?

You’re MY cup of tea.

Yep it was still there.

Literally He wrote it on me.

Whispered it to my heart.

Yelled it at all my accusers.

Tattooed it on my brain.

My love tank is full again.

So what about you? Do you know that you too are his cup of tea? You might not be everyone’s but you are His. I want to be everyone’s cup of tea. However, I can’t be. I am and can be His though. AND that is the best thing for me.

That is the best thing for you, too. So when others don’t understand or try to fix you or change you. Just be you.

Just be you.

See the words written on your heart…

You’re my cup of tea.

❤️KGB

The Finish Line is Just Another Start Line

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It has taken me years to really understand that the end of something is just the beginning of another something.

For years I hated the end or the finish of something. The end meant a new unknown. I did not like the unknown.

Some stuff finished when it felt like it was not time for it to be finished yet.

I didn’t like when a movie ended; I wanted to know more of what happened.

I didn’t like when a book ended; I needed more from the story line and characters.

I didn’t like when a job ended, or a class ended or when a relationship ended. I didn’t like the end of a good night, or party, or first dance. The end of something good always brought a great sadness.

I use to run cross country and that was the only time the finish line was a welcomed site. That finish line felt like victory. I think some where in my mind I had decided I wanted to always feel that when things finished.

However we all know not all things that end, finish with the feeling of victory.

The end never felt good. The end was words that didn’t bring closure to me. It brought a what now feeling…..

Until….

I met Jesus.

He came into my life when so many things had ended. I had searched and searched and searched for that more to life than this thing. Never found it.

Instead He found me. He showed me He was the more than life I had been searching for.

He was the victory I needed.

He showed me He was always the beginning. He was always the end. I would finish something and would never feel lost again.

He changed my heart. Some times the end was a good thing. Finish strong. Don’t give up. I hear this daily.

Some times things have to end.

So now when something ends; I look for the new start line and never look back….I just keep looking at him…. And feel the victory.

The end feels like hope.

The end of something and the start of another. The finish line.

The end.

❤️KGB

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5 Ways To Relax and Refill; My Favorite Ways

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I frequently run on emtpy. The problem is I run on empty so much that I don’t even recognize when I am on empty.

My car has a light that lets me know it is about to be on empty or it stops running when I have ignored that light; why can’t I have a light or warning beep or something?

😄 -Moving on-

So here are my top 5 favorite things to do when I need to relax, refill or re-find (or redefined) my heart. 5 easy and cheap things to do because we all know a trip to Italy or a girl’s weekend isn’t always in the budget.

1. A Mental Health Day
I just take a day off. No laundry, chores or cleaning. The kids also enjoy taking a day off. We play all day. We get take out for dinner (normally pizza) and we eat on paper plates. A mental health day is a great way to refill. It is okay to even take a mental health day without kiddos if you can do that, but if not it is okay to take a day off with them.

2. Go Somewhere
I don’t care where you live there is always some place to go and see; either a new place or some place beautiful that your heart loves no matter how many times you have seen it. A river, a flower garden, a zoo, old buildings, a museum etc etc. Sometimes just a few hours away from the real world helps you get a new perspective.

3. A Cup With A Green Straw
Okay, okay so maybe Starbucks is not your thing. However; whatever is your thing (chocolate, coffee, Sonic, cookies, yogurt etc etc) go get it and go enjoy it.

4. Something New
Something new can be anything. A new outfit, new book, new blog, new movie, new dinner place, new recipe…. Something new doesn’t even mean “new”. It just can be cheap, free, or borrowed. Something new to you. I like to read so a new blog or book is a perfect way to relax. I like to cook a new meal for my family. I like to drive a new route home every chance I get. So see something new doesn’t have to even cost you anything.

5. Fresh Air
I know nature is not for everyone. So hear me out on this before you discount this one. In the bible it talks about the wilderness. Going out. Being alone. Outdoors. Nature. So I have found fresh air does my heart good. I can see clearly and hear better when I am surround by His creation. So nature may not be your thing. BUT I am telling you that you don’t have to camp or go all glamping (camping all glamourous) on me; you can enjoy the fresh air on a patio. Or at the pool or lake. Just get some fresh air.

So there it is. My top 5 things to do when my heart is empty and I need to relax and refill. I hope something on this list helps you or encourages you to try it!

❤️KGB

I am linking up with Proverbs 31 online bible study. check it out.

Being A Mom is Tough

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Some days are tough.

Some days feel like a breeze.

I wish I had more of the latter.

I have two kids. Ages 9 and 4. A son who is smart, has a huge servant’s heart , funny and loud; in a good way (most of the time). He definitely has a calling to be a friend to many and to bring joy to others. His life changed my life, and saved me. He pushed us to wake up and live unselfishly.

My daughter is a free spirit; wild and a leader. Untamable. She doesn’t take no for answer, and loves big. She has pushed us to learn grace and what grace really is.

Isn’t that really what parenting is all about? Not just us teaching and making little ones grow but God teaching us and making us grow?

Maybe this is why being a parent is tough?

I am constantly in a battle for my heart plus the hearts of two others who were put in my care.

Plus add all that to the daily grind of everyday life like dishes, laundry, work, emails, etc and things are bound to be filled with challenging days. Can I get an amen?!?

But here is the thing- we are going to make it. His word is filled with promises. Tons of things to stand on when it seems like the parenting world around is failing a part.

I constantly (cough hourly) have to remind myself He picked me to be their mommy and He does not make mistakes.

So I hope tonight you and I learn to embrace the tough days. Grow and change not just our little ones but all ourselves, too.

❤️KGB

I belong

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I have a thorn. A thing in my life that never really goes away. It doesn’t always show its ugly little head but when it does it is awful.

I wish I could say without a doubt that I belong. I wish I felt like I really did belong. I know this is a hard subject for me cause it is connected back to my root of rejection. Rejection keeps you from really feeling that “belonging” feeling.

Rejection sucks. That is all I care to write about that.

Rejection is my thorn. It keeps me from things. There I said it. I admit it. Really how can one feel like she belongs when she feels rejected?

However you know what I am learning is that we all have a weakness. Possibly lots, but at least one area that sorta keeps us grounded.

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:

7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.
8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

So this is my thorn. My thorn that keeps me weak. A struggle that is getting easier and less and less BUT still a thorn. I still ask for healing daily. I just keep telling myself that one day I will believe that I belong! I will not doubt it!

However, maybe like Paul I am just suppose to find strength through God on this thorn; for life. Maybe?!? I am just suppose to rest in the strength of my savior and be thankful this thorn draws me closer to him. Daily needing him.

❤️KGB

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Exhale- A Five Minute Friday Thought

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The devil reminds me the car is fixed but that we owe $500. The devil reminds me as we go to sleep with no AC that we have no money to fix this. The devil reminds me of things that start to hurt. All I can do is….

Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.

This is not Lamaze. This is life. I gotta laugh when I can.

Where will the money come
from to fix that?

Fight the tears. Fight the feelings.

Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Oh! No! Lord, first the roof then the car; why now the AC?

Dig deep. Hear the truth.

Inhale.

Trust that He is for you and uses all things for good.

Exhale.

All I can do is keep trusting him. All I can do is inhale Him and exhale me.

All I can do is recall All the times before that He has provided and taken care of every detail.

All I can do is trust his word….do not be anxious! He takes care of the birds and YOU are more valuable than the birds! Do not be anxious about tomorrow. Matthew 6:25-34

Inhale. . . Exhale. . .
Inhale.
Exhale.

This is life. Not Lamaze.

❤️KGB