I wish I Could Have Told Myself

If my 32 year old self could get in a time machine and go back in time….I would tell myself:

Age 6:
It is okay.
You are loved.
You are seen.
You are not a mistake.
You are wanted.
You are enough.
Listen to your gut feeling.
Love yourself even when others don’t.

Age 11:
Way to go.
Good job.
You do make God proud.
You are beautiful.
He sees you.
You are no alone.
Don’t give up.
Don’t believe that lie.
Be brave.
You are chosen.
Words do hurt.

Age 16:
You can do it.
Prove them wrong.
Don’t go there.
Don’t wear that.
You are smart.
Don’t stop smiling.
Protect your heart.
Failure is okay.
Go after that big dream.
You are more than enough.

Age 19:
Let him go.
Love yourself more.
Chose life.
Take care of yourself.
Get back up.
Keep writing.
Stand out don’t try to fit in.
Take a leap of faith.
Everything will work out.
Get some sleep.
Take care of yourself.

Age 22:
Let them go.
Time to chase that dream.
Listen to your heart.
Slow down.
Keep fighting.
He sees you.
You are loved.
You are not a nobody.
He still loves you.
You are brave.
You are always enough.

Age 24:
Let go.
Be yourself.
Don’t hate.
Don’t change.
It’s okay to fail.
Check your attitude.
Don’t become like them.
It is time to fly.

Age 28:
Think twice.
Allow room for grace.
Seek Him more.
Screw them.
You are safe.
You are precious.
It is okay.
You will be okay.

Age 32:

Ah well that would be me today. I wish my 32 year old self would be okay with her body after two kids. I wish that she always felt strong and smart. I wish she knew she was worthy and loved. I wish she believed that she is beautiful and not average. I wish I believed more in myself and always felt enough.

Maybe if I had heard these things when I was younger. Perhaps if way back then if I heard these things I wouldn’t be needing to hear them now.

Perhaps without hearing them then I can truly hear them now.

I can’t go back in time but I can go forward. I can tell my children the words they need to hear. I can tell others, too. I can encourage them and hope to guide them to hear His words instead of the silence they may be hearing.

Perhaps I wasn’t suppose to hear these things way back when but hearing them now is His perfect timing.

I can look back on my life and see the ashes to beauty journey as the greatest adventure. The adventure that made me the person I am today. The good, the bad, and the ugly was all for a reason.

The experience helped me value the words more.



Pictures That Explain Me

Lately I feel like this…..


I feel like a prisoner. I can see this beautiful paradise place just up ahead and yet I just can’t reach it. No matter what I do I can’t get past the bars. I can’t slip through. I can’t force them to open. I can’t make them disappear. I am a prisoner behind bars and all I can do is see the beauty and dream about getting there some day soon.


I saw this on pinterest and agree that this is a lie. 100%. However, the “just fine” part is the lie. The just tired is truth. Aren’t we all just tired when we are faking the just fine part. It is so much easier to say “just tired” for them and for me. “Just tired” is the only thing that escapes my heart and mind. I freely can let these words come out. “Just tired” is less complicated.


I hear these words and my lips take a deep…deep… Breathe. Oh yes I feel like I am drowning…. How can that be?!? How can one drown with so much trust…peace…faith?! Am I allowing myself to drown? Or is He so he can rescue me big? Is the drowning growing me and stretching me?! How is that in this very moment of time it feels okay to drown?! I am positive it is okay because I know He won’t let me.


Most of all I cling to this. Silence. Silence keeps me from doing anything drastic. Silence keeps my heart from jumping. Silence reminds me of the truth. Silence is truly better than bullshit.


Maybe this sums it all up for you and me. Step back and out of my light if you can’t handle me. I go deep. I love big. I work hard. I dive in head first. I am real. I am honest. I am me.

I am a prisoner right now being kept from paradise. I would rather lie and say I am fine and just tired and hope that keeps me from needing to explain. I feel like I am drowning but in a freaky good way. I know silence is better than hearing bullshit.

I am not afraid to be anything less than me. And this thought right here leads me to this…



We Should Believe in Others, Even if Risky


I am in a weird situation right now.

I see the potential in an amazing individual. I see how they interact with people and the amazing affect they have. I see the talent they bring to the table in many different ways. I see the really awesome gifts God has given this person.

I can also tell you how this person doesn’t see their potential. Or maybe they do but not their full potential. I see the wounds….the lies….the insecurities that holds this person back. This person’s heart isn’t free….I know though that it can be.

The plot gets thicker.

I can tell you how another person had been given the potential to speak life into this individual. To encourage. To mentor. They were not asked to save the other person or to fix the other person: they were just put in the path to just love them. Instead power, control and money stepped in the way. They don’t see how they have hurt themselves and the other person. They are not a bad person. They just loss focus. The business of money became more important than the business of love.

So -here I stand between the two and wonder what happened to believing in people even if it was risky? Whatever happened to seeing the good in people and just loving them to love them. To get nothing in return. To just love them so they can be who they were created to be. So they could reach their full potential. Whatever happened to reaping benefits of just loving another and seeing them shine?

And I am no Pollyanna. I know that loving another is risky. I know loving another and giving them your all may only burn you. I know. . . I know . . . Oh boy do I know. However, I want to do it anyways. I want to love this person and love big.

I believe that others will never see that they are worthy, that they are loved, that they are wanted, or that they are needed until they see it from another first. We may never become who we were created to be until someone else helps us see it.

So what about you? Did someone take a risk on you? Did someone believe in you when you didn’t believe in yourself? Did that help you shine? Aren’t you glad they took the risk?

I am sure we all have someone that we can picture that loved us unconditionally even when it was risky for them. So isn’t it our turn to believe in another even if risky?

For me…that answer is yes.


I will Not Fear Ebola


We are all aware of the current Ebola situation; well I hope. If you haven’t please tell me you have been in a coma!

We may even be more aware now because it has hit a city that you may live in.

I live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. The Ebola Situation is all everyone is talking about.

Before it ever hit our area I was fully aware of the sad and horrible situation in many parts Africa. I like the news. I catch up on it every day…several times a day. I might have a slight addiction.

I have seen the photos and heard the heart breaking stories. My heart was secretly glad that we didn’t have that here in the states.

Terrible I know!

Then they brought the doctor here. Then they brought the nurse. My heart had panic thoughts like why would they do that? What will happen.

Horribly selfish right?!? Please forgive me.

Then they got better and they were released; my heart had a different thought. I wondered “If we can do that here why can’t we do that there?” Or “why aren’t we doing that over there?”

So I researched. Read. Asked questions. I have never stopped learning…Learning helps fight the fear. Or does it?

See my fear didn’t go away. My fears never really have. Learning just made my fear feel false hope. My fear always just felt under control like I had taken some drug to relax the fear when really all I had done was tried to have knowledge. Or tried to understand. Knowledge is good. Knowledge is powerful. BUT Knowledge does not replace trust.

We should learn and read. We should be wise and have knowledge. But knowledge is not trust. Knowledge does not always mean everything ends up the way you want it.

See my fear is not just the Ebola virus, the fear is the great unknown of what the future holds. What if my family gets this? What if the country has an epidemic ? What if this causes wide spread panic and this happens…..what if….what if….What if….

I can’t control the future. Knowing all about this virus won’t stop it from coming to American soil. It won’t stop people from fearing the worse.

However, knowing the person who heals….reminds me in these times to ask who do I trust? Knowing in these times who has the victory….reminds me to ask where does my peace come from? I have to decide to not allow fear to control me. I have to adjust and make myself to turn back to the one who tells me to not be afraid. I have to give him my fears….and my knowledge and trade it for His truth.

Fear seems to be just like this virus. Like this stupid horrible virus; fear is causing communities stress, causing mistrust, anxious thoughts, and death.

We may not like it but Ebola could break out here. We may not like it but we have a choice to let the fear consume us or to say okay God I trust you.

We have clean water, hospitals that follow guidelines, clothes and running water….indoor plumbing…..different procedures with sick and the dead …… the list goes on and on.

But we could still have an Ebola outbreak. That is just the way it is. So, will you fear? Will you arm yourself with knowledge like a drug that you think will calm you? Or will you put all your hope and complete trust in the only one and give up control?

I hope you pick the right one.