I wish I could say I was over it.
But I can’t.
My heart is so overwhelmed.
I try to let go.
I try to not stress.
I try to not be sad or angry.
But I do cry.
But I do want to run away.
But I do want to throw a fit and scream.
But I just keep going.
I wake up everyday and keep going.
I really don’t have a choice.
I want to just sit somewhere with a coffee in my hand and watch the sun rise everything morning.
I want to get over this season.
I want to just take a deep breath and have peace instead all of this that overwhelms me.
I want joy to overwhelm me.
I am over it.
I can’t go backwards .
I wish I could.
Even for all the wrong reasons.
My kids are so messed up right now.
It is all my fault.
My two jobs, suck the life out of me every single day.
I did this to myself.
The feelings of failure, and being punished consume me.
I am suppose to find the silver lining!
I am suppose to have a mustard seed of faith.
I am suppose to think of all the good things and be grateful.
Right now I just want to be over it.
God hear my prayer! Hear the desires of my heart! Where are you?! Where are you?!? Where the hell are you?!? Did you leave me?!? The bible says you don’t forsake us! But where are you?!?
Or are you over it, too?
Are you over me?
Are you holding me in your hand?
Are you covering me with your wing?
Am I seeing only a fraction of how bad it really could be?
Or is this just the beginning of a huge storm?
Oh please God get me over it.