Single 101: Part 3

Part 3

You know I have kids, right?

You might have kids or not have kids. For some of us: this is our season of life right now.  In the last two years, I know 5 moms who have all gotten divorced.  Many of us are starting over in the career world, and the dating world.  With kids.  My kids are not my identity but, um duh, a very huge part of my life.  

I will continue to put their needs 1st before my dating life. 

You need to continue to put your kids first.  My main advice: don’t rely on a new relationship to help you be a better parent. Many people rush into a relationship to make single parenting life easier.  I am sorry but do you want a wife or husband or do you need a nanny?  

You need to be a confident parent on your own before you bring someone new into your life.  

Again, see part 1 and part two. If any of those areas need some work, then maybe dating should wait.  How will you know if the new person will mesh well with your children’s hearts and personality; without knowing if you can be friends first with that person? How can you say you want this person around your kids without knowing if God is in their life?  Do you know if they are financially stable? Do you if you are financially stable? 

Again, you will not notice red flags if you aren’t confident on your own.

I have two kids and want a partner not another child.  I want a partner.  However, having a partner will never come before my kids.  

You already have an existing tribe that you oversee the care of and adding a tribe member is serious.  Yep, you heard me, a tribe. At my house, we have a sign that says: “Our Tribe. Establish 2015. ” Our tribe is exclusive.  My kids have been hurt.  I have been hurt.  Our tribe is re-establishing.  I won’t rush them or myself.  I won’t be selfish and let someone into the tribe that will or could possibly hurt us more or cause chaos.  I know that whoever God brings to this tribe will be patient, will not push, and have lots of respect. 

Don’t bring people in without knowing that they have a lasting place in the tribe.  Everyone who is in the tribe has needs that are different.  Right now if all the needs aren’t being met then how can you bring in another?  

The relationship between you and the person your dating should be solid before bringing them to the tribe.  I hope in your new relationship, you can recognize if someone is forcing a relationship on your child or children or yourself.   Raise your hand if you have seen another person join a tribe too soon or before the new tribe had re-established itself.   Didn’t it make life 10x harder than it needed to be?  Did it take years to fix?   Did heal or hurt?   If they are overly eager to be in their life or moving too fast; you should be protecting your kids hearts and minds from that craziness.  

Your children are the most important thing.  That is your legacy.  This is your 1st priority.  You will know when the time is right if you are confident in yourself, seeking God for direction and have a solid tribe before you introduce someone new to it.
Again, this is my thoughts.  Things I 100% believe in.  My story is still being written but I won’t settle.  I will protect my tribe.  I am raising a queen and king.  I am getting my shit together.  I won’t apologize for that.  I won’t apologize for taking care of them or myself 1st. 


Being A Mom is Tough


Some days are tough.

Some days feel like a breeze.

I wish I had more of the latter.

I have two kids. Ages 9 and 4. A son who is smart, has a huge servant’s heart , funny and loud; in a good way (most of the time). He definitely has a calling to be a friend to many and to bring joy to others. His life changed my life, and saved me. He pushed us to wake up and live unselfishly.

My daughter is a free spirit; wild and a leader. Untamable. She doesn’t take no for answer, and loves big. She has pushed us to learn grace and what grace really is.

Isn’t that really what parenting is all about? Not just us teaching and making little ones grow but God teaching us and making us grow?

Maybe this is why being a parent is tough?

I am constantly in a battle for my heart plus the hearts of two others who were put in my care.

Plus add all that to the daily grind of everyday life like dishes, laundry, work, emails, etc and things are bound to be filled with challenging days. Can I get an amen?!?

But here is the thing- we are going to make it. His word is filled with promises. Tons of things to stand on when it seems like the parenting world around is failing a part.

I constantly (cough hourly) have to remind myself He picked me to be their mommy and He does not make mistakes.

So I hope tonight you and I learn to embrace the tough days. Grow and change not just our little ones but all ourselves, too.