Single 101: Part 3

Part 3

You know I have kids, right?

You might have kids or not have kids. For some of us: this is our season of life right now.  In the last two years, I know 5 moms who have all gotten divorced.  Many of us are starting over in the career world, and the dating world.  With kids.  My kids are not my identity but, um duh, a very huge part of my life.  

I will continue to put their needs 1st before my dating life. 

You need to continue to put your kids first.  My main advice: don’t rely on a new relationship to help you be a better parent. Many people rush into a relationship to make single parenting life easier.  I am sorry but do you want a wife or husband or do you need a nanny?  

You need to be a confident parent on your own before you bring someone new into your life.  

Again, see part 1 and part two. If any of those areas need some work, then maybe dating should wait.  How will you know if the new person will mesh well with your children’s hearts and personality; without knowing if you can be friends first with that person? How can you say you want this person around your kids without knowing if God is in their life?  Do you know if they are financially stable? Do you if you are financially stable? 

Again, you will not notice red flags if you aren’t confident on your own.

I have two kids and want a partner not another child.  I want a partner.  However, having a partner will never come before my kids.  

You already have an existing tribe that you oversee the care of and adding a tribe member is serious.  Yep, you heard me, a tribe. At my house, we have a sign that says: “Our Tribe. Establish 2015. ” Our tribe is exclusive.  My kids have been hurt.  I have been hurt.  Our tribe is re-establishing.  I won’t rush them or myself.  I won’t be selfish and let someone into the tribe that will or could possibly hurt us more or cause chaos.  I know that whoever God brings to this tribe will be patient, will not push, and have lots of respect. 

Don’t bring people in without knowing that they have a lasting place in the tribe.  Everyone who is in the tribe has needs that are different.  Right now if all the needs aren’t being met then how can you bring in another?  

The relationship between you and the person your dating should be solid before bringing them to the tribe.  I hope in your new relationship, you can recognize if someone is forcing a relationship on your child or children or yourself.   Raise your hand if you have seen another person join a tribe too soon or before the new tribe had re-established itself.   Didn’t it make life 10x harder than it needed to be?  Did it take years to fix?   Did heal or hurt?   If they are overly eager to be in their life or moving too fast; you should be protecting your kids hearts and minds from that craziness.  

Your children are the most important thing.  That is your legacy.  This is your 1st priority.  You will know when the time is right if you are confident in yourself, seeking God for direction and have a solid tribe before you introduce someone new to it.
Again, this is my thoughts.  Things I 100% believe in.  My story is still being written but I won’t settle.  I will protect my tribe.  I am raising a queen and king.  I am getting my shit together.  I won’t apologize for that.  I won’t apologize for taking care of them or myself 1st. 
❤KGB 
 

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Single 101: Part Two

Part 2

More thoughts and wisdom on being single. 


Sugar Daddy or Momma?

That is funny but let’s be honest.

You should not be with someone because of money.  Money runs out or can go away.  My advice: You should be supporting yourself.  Are you standing on your own two feet?  If they have money or you have money great, but if you are looking for a person with money then you are looking for love to feel a need.  You have clearly missed #1 and #2 (see Part One).  

Money is not the answer to life’s problems.


I wonder if whoever said that had ever been without, but reality is, this statement is true. I would rather know that if anything happens I will still be okay, then one day be out and wonder now what the hell am I going to do.   Oh! Wait I have been there.  I didn’t marry for money. I loved him despite of no money but I did get in a situation that I could not support myself; stupid me.   If you can’t 100% say you are independent then I would say it is time to get there and another reason to be single. 

Where is God in your life?

I need God.  I daily need him.  That means you need him too.  Do you pray? Do you attend church?  Do you worship God and listen to his prompts?  I want to not hear that you do this.  I want to see your life reflect Christ.  I know that no relationship or marriage will sustain without God.  How can I be prepared for a relationship or be ready for a relationship if I don’t daily go to my creator and get poured into.  

How can you be?  

I can’t love another fully if I can’t see through the right lenses.  Grace. Love. Mercy. Self-Control. Patience.  A sound mind.  My heart can’t validate anyone else’s heart, and my heart can only get validation from God.  I don’t want someone draining me every day because they are seeking from the world and seeking God through me.   God must be present in your life.

Are we friends?

Why rush into a dating relationship?  Can you be friends first?  I think this is important.  It is also proven that lasting relationships happen when there was a friendship first and love grew from that.   It seems like it is all or nothing with some men/woman.  

Why is that?

I want someone I know well.  Can I name your mom or sister?  Do we have some crazy story we share?  I know some people think a friendship is just like dating.  Friendships no matter what the outcome you are trying to achieve can look like dating.   However; you will know the difference.  I don’t kiss my friends.  I don’t hold their hands.  There is a level on which some things are going to be saved for a relationship status.  

I once met a great guy.  We were friends, at least, in my mind. I told him from the beginning: I just need to start slow and be friends.  I am not ready to date.  It was fine with him; until he started dating another.   Then my so-called friend no longer called or text.   I know some people think you can’t be friends with another of the opposite sex.  I completely disagree.   

I can assume the worse in this guy or the new girl in his life, but I prefer to think it was just God.  Slow down when you meet someone.  Don’t look to define the relationship right away.  Just be friends.  Have coffee, get to know each other, and let time tell you if this friendship should be more. Let friendship turn into dates! 

So are you self supported? Are you looking for a Godly man?  Are you trying to jump into a relationship or are you trying to be friends first.  

These are important goals to have set in your life before moving into a relationship.  

Stay tune for part 3! ❤ KGB 

I wish I Could Have Told Myself

If my 32 year old self could get in a time machine and go back in time….I would tell myself:

Age 6:
It is okay.
You are loved.
You are seen.
You are not a mistake.
You are wanted.
You are enough.
Listen to your gut feeling.
Love yourself even when others don’t.

Age 11:
Way to go.
Good job.
You do make God proud.
You are beautiful.
He sees you.
You are no alone.
Don’t give up.
Don’t believe that lie.
Be brave.
You are chosen.
Words do hurt.

Age 16:
Wait.
Don’t.
You can do it.
Prove them wrong.
Don’t go there.
Don’t wear that.
You are smart.
Don’t stop smiling.
Protect your heart.
Failure is okay.
Go after that big dream.
You are more than enough.
Pre-decide.

Age 19:
Let him go.
Love yourself more.
Chose life.
Take care of yourself.
Get back up.
Keep writing.
Forgive.
Heal.
Stand out don’t try to fit in.
Take a leap of faith.
Everything will work out.
Get some sleep.
Eat.
Take care of yourself.

Age 22:
Let them go.
Time to chase that dream.
Listen to your heart.
Stop.
Slow down.
Keep fighting.
He sees you.
You are loved.
You are not a nobody.
He still loves you.
You are brave.
You are always enough.

Age 24:
Let go.
Be yourself.
Don’t hate.
Don’t change.
It’s okay to fail.
Check your attitude.
Don’t become like them.
It is time to fly.

Age 28:
Think twice.
Allow room for grace.
Seek Him more.
Screw them.
You are safe.
You are precious.
It is okay.
You will be okay.

Age 32:

Ah well that would be me today. I wish my 32 year old self would be okay with her body after two kids. I wish that she always felt strong and smart. I wish she knew she was worthy and loved. I wish she believed that she is beautiful and not average. I wish I believed more in myself and always felt enough.

Maybe if I had heard these things when I was younger. Perhaps if way back then if I heard these things I wouldn’t be needing to hear them now.

Perhaps without hearing them then I can truly hear them now.

I can’t go back in time but I can go forward. I can tell my children the words they need to hear. I can tell others, too. I can encourage them and hope to guide them to hear His words instead of the silence they may be hearing.

Perhaps I wasn’t suppose to hear these things way back when but hearing them now is His perfect timing.

I can look back on my life and see the ashes to beauty journey as the greatest adventure. The adventure that made me the person I am today. The good, the bad, and the ugly was all for a reason.

The experience helped me value the words more.

❤️KGB