Single 101: Part 3

Part 3

You know I have kids, right?

You might have kids or not have kids. For some of us: this is our season of life right now.  In the last two years, I know 5 moms who have all gotten divorced.  Many of us are starting over in the career world, and the dating world.  With kids.  My kids are not my identity but, um duh, a very huge part of my life.  

I will continue to put their needs 1st before my dating life. 

You need to continue to put your kids first.  My main advice: don’t rely on a new relationship to help you be a better parent. Many people rush into a relationship to make single parenting life easier.  I am sorry but do you want a wife or husband or do you need a nanny?  

You need to be a confident parent on your own before you bring someone new into your life.  

Again, see part 1 and part two. If any of those areas need some work, then maybe dating should wait.  How will you know if the new person will mesh well with your children’s hearts and personality; without knowing if you can be friends first with that person? How can you say you want this person around your kids without knowing if God is in their life?  Do you know if they are financially stable? Do you if you are financially stable? 

Again, you will not notice red flags if you aren’t confident on your own.

I have two kids and want a partner not another child.  I want a partner.  However, having a partner will never come before my kids.  

You already have an existing tribe that you oversee the care of and adding a tribe member is serious.  Yep, you heard me, a tribe. At my house, we have a sign that says: “Our Tribe. Establish 2015. ” Our tribe is exclusive.  My kids have been hurt.  I have been hurt.  Our tribe is re-establishing.  I won’t rush them or myself.  I won’t be selfish and let someone into the tribe that will or could possibly hurt us more or cause chaos.  I know that whoever God brings to this tribe will be patient, will not push, and have lots of respect. 

Don’t bring people in without knowing that they have a lasting place in the tribe.  Everyone who is in the tribe has needs that are different.  Right now if all the needs aren’t being met then how can you bring in another?  

The relationship between you and the person your dating should be solid before bringing them to the tribe.  I hope in your new relationship, you can recognize if someone is forcing a relationship on your child or children or yourself.   Raise your hand if you have seen another person join a tribe too soon or before the new tribe had re-established itself.   Didn’t it make life 10x harder than it needed to be?  Did it take years to fix?   Did heal or hurt?   If they are overly eager to be in their life or moving too fast; you should be protecting your kids hearts and minds from that craziness.  

Your children are the most important thing.  That is your legacy.  This is your 1st priority.  You will know when the time is right if you are confident in yourself, seeking God for direction and have a solid tribe before you introduce someone new to it.
Again, this is my thoughts.  Things I 100% believe in.  My story is still being written but I won’t settle.  I will protect my tribe.  I am raising a queen and king.  I am getting my shit together.  I won’t apologize for that.  I won’t apologize for taking care of them or myself 1st. 


Single 101: Part Two

Part 2

More thoughts and wisdom on being single. 

Sugar Daddy or Momma?

That is funny but let’s be honest.

You should not be with someone because of money.  Money runs out or can go away.  My advice: You should be supporting yourself.  Are you standing on your own two feet?  If they have money or you have money great, but if you are looking for a person with money then you are looking for love to feel a need.  You have clearly missed #1 and #2 (see Part One).  

Money is not the answer to life’s problems.

I wonder if whoever said that had ever been without, but reality is, this statement is true. I would rather know that if anything happens I will still be okay, then one day be out and wonder now what the hell am I going to do.   Oh! Wait I have been there.  I didn’t marry for money. I loved him despite of no money but I did get in a situation that I could not support myself; stupid me.   If you can’t 100% say you are independent then I would say it is time to get there and another reason to be single. 

Where is God in your life?

I need God.  I daily need him.  That means you need him too.  Do you pray? Do you attend church?  Do you worship God and listen to his prompts?  I want to not hear that you do this.  I want to see your life reflect Christ.  I know that no relationship or marriage will sustain without God.  How can I be prepared for a relationship or be ready for a relationship if I don’t daily go to my creator and get poured into.  

How can you be?  

I can’t love another fully if I can’t see through the right lenses.  Grace. Love. Mercy. Self-Control. Patience.  A sound mind.  My heart can’t validate anyone else’s heart, and my heart can only get validation from God.  I don’t want someone draining me every day because they are seeking from the world and seeking God through me.   God must be present in your life.

Are we friends?

Why rush into a dating relationship?  Can you be friends first?  I think this is important.  It is also proven that lasting relationships happen when there was a friendship first and love grew from that.   It seems like it is all or nothing with some men/woman.  

Why is that?

I want someone I know well.  Can I name your mom or sister?  Do we have some crazy story we share?  I know some people think a friendship is just like dating.  Friendships no matter what the outcome you are trying to achieve can look like dating.   However; you will know the difference.  I don’t kiss my friends.  I don’t hold their hands.  There is a level on which some things are going to be saved for a relationship status.  

I once met a great guy.  We were friends, at least, in my mind. I told him from the beginning: I just need to start slow and be friends.  I am not ready to date.  It was fine with him; until he started dating another.   Then my so-called friend no longer called or text.   I know some people think you can’t be friends with another of the opposite sex.  I completely disagree.   

I can assume the worse in this guy or the new girl in his life, but I prefer to think it was just God.  Slow down when you meet someone.  Don’t look to define the relationship right away.  Just be friends.  Have coffee, get to know each other, and let time tell you if this friendship should be more. Let friendship turn into dates! 

So are you self supported? Are you looking for a Godly man?  Are you trying to jump into a relationship or are you trying to be friends first.  

These are important goals to have set in your life before moving into a relationship.  

Stay tune for part 3! ❤ KGB 

Rock Solid

Rock bottom can be viewed as good or as bad.

Isn’t everything always all about perspective.

Maybe you don’t know what rock bottom means?

Many people believe you hit rock bottom when you are in the worse situation. The lowest possible low you could be in.

People refer to hitting rock bottom after losing a job, or home, a relationship, or having a bank account at zero.

However, what if they were wrong? What if all this time hitting rock bottom was the best possible situation to be in?!

Is it possible you can hit rock bottom over and over again if your rocks are not solid?

I am starting to believe that rock bottom is the best place to be in when you need to start over. Maybe when we hit rock bottom we actually are in a good spot instead of a bad? What if when you hit rock bottom (and trust me you will- we all do) you looked at the rocks that you were hitting?

Yep I asked you to look down. Look at the rock under your feet. Look around at the rocks that surround you. Who made the rocks? What do the rocks represent? Who is the rock? What rocks need to stay and what rocks need to go?

See I feel like I am at a place in my life that I have hit rock bottom.

According to some I should hate this place. I should be climbing my way back up. However, if I just start climbing back up on bad rocks, I will eventually end right back at rock bottom; won’t I?

So instead of climbing, I am on my knees. I am face down. I am looking at the rocks and throwing out the old rocks that my life was once built on. God was among the rocks in my life, but he was not the rock. Rocks like perfection, people pleasing, pride, shame, hate, unforgiveness etc etc were more in abundance and cluttering my foundation.

I am asking God to remove my bad rocks and replace with new rocks.

I have hope and I KNOW I won’t be at rock bottom forever. He has promised me that.

However for now rock bottom has been good for me. Rock bottom has my eyes re-focused on his glorious face and doing the hard work to have a solid foundation.

My foundation will be solid because it will be based on him. He won’t just be a few small rocks that are thrown in for good measure.

I had to hit rock bottom to find out who and what was my foundation was built on. It was not good. If I hadn’t hit rock bottom I would not have ever have known what was on my bottom. He was there, but he was being covered by a whole lot of fake rocks. He was not okay with that and quite frankly I am glad he wasn’t.

I am currently at rock bottom to build a new foundation. A new foundation that is solid. Replacing worldly rocks with one rock. A perfect rock. A solid rock. That rock is God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

I had to hit rock bottom to: become who He wanted me to be, to find out who I really was, to find him, to really say I trust him and to really be able to say that I am all in.

So when I am ready to start climbing my foundation will not be based on lies, half truths or other people but will be built on the King.

Hitting rock bottom was so that my life would be different. Don’t we want our lives to be different?

I had to hit rock bottom and thankful it happened.

I want my life to be set firmly on His rocks. The rocks he provides. The rocks he gives. The rocks that he wants in my life like grace, mercy, love, opportunities etc etc.

I had to hit rock bottom to see who was all in with me. To see what friends were solid rocks and to have room for new solid rocks.

If I had not ever been to rock bottom I would have never been truly free. I would have always been stepping on rocks that would have easily moved me or shaken me.

So when you hit rock bottom. Love it. Don’t make a home there and stay there. But love that the opportunity to start over. Do the hard work of starting over. Lay the right foundation down. Fall on your face, look around and start asking Him to get rid of the rocks he doesn’t want in your life. Keep only the ones He places. Then look up and start rebuilding.