Single 101: Part 3

Part 3

You know I have kids, right?

You might have kids or not have kids. For some of us: this is our season of life right now.  In the last two years, I know 5 moms who have all gotten divorced.  Many of us are starting over in the career world, and the dating world.  With kids.  My kids are not my identity but, um duh, a very huge part of my life.  

I will continue to put their needs 1st before my dating life. 

You need to continue to put your kids first.  My main advice: don’t rely on a new relationship to help you be a better parent. Many people rush into a relationship to make single parenting life easier.  I am sorry but do you want a wife or husband or do you need a nanny?  

You need to be a confident parent on your own before you bring someone new into your life.  

Again, see part 1 and part two. If any of those areas need some work, then maybe dating should wait.  How will you know if the new person will mesh well with your children’s hearts and personality; without knowing if you can be friends first with that person? How can you say you want this person around your kids without knowing if God is in their life?  Do you know if they are financially stable? Do you if you are financially stable? 

Again, you will not notice red flags if you aren’t confident on your own.

I have two kids and want a partner not another child.  I want a partner.  However, having a partner will never come before my kids.  

You already have an existing tribe that you oversee the care of and adding a tribe member is serious.  Yep, you heard me, a tribe. At my house, we have a sign that says: “Our Tribe. Establish 2015. ” Our tribe is exclusive.  My kids have been hurt.  I have been hurt.  Our tribe is re-establishing.  I won’t rush them or myself.  I won’t be selfish and let someone into the tribe that will or could possibly hurt us more or cause chaos.  I know that whoever God brings to this tribe will be patient, will not push, and have lots of respect. 

Don’t bring people in without knowing that they have a lasting place in the tribe.  Everyone who is in the tribe has needs that are different.  Right now if all the needs aren’t being met then how can you bring in another?  

The relationship between you and the person your dating should be solid before bringing them to the tribe.  I hope in your new relationship, you can recognize if someone is forcing a relationship on your child or children or yourself.   Raise your hand if you have seen another person join a tribe too soon or before the new tribe had re-established itself.   Didn’t it make life 10x harder than it needed to be?  Did it take years to fix?   Did heal or hurt?   If they are overly eager to be in their life or moving too fast; you should be protecting your kids hearts and minds from that craziness.  

Your children are the most important thing.  That is your legacy.  This is your 1st priority.  You will know when the time is right if you are confident in yourself, seeking God for direction and have a solid tribe before you introduce someone new to it.
Again, this is my thoughts.  Things I 100% believe in.  My story is still being written but I won’t settle.  I will protect my tribe.  I am raising a queen and king.  I am getting my shit together.  I won’t apologize for that.  I won’t apologize for taking care of them or myself 1st. 
❤KGB 
 

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Single 101: Part Two

Part 2

More thoughts and wisdom on being single. 


Sugar Daddy or Momma?

That is funny but let’s be honest.

You should not be with someone because of money.  Money runs out or can go away.  My advice: You should be supporting yourself.  Are you standing on your own two feet?  If they have money or you have money great, but if you are looking for a person with money then you are looking for love to feel a need.  You have clearly missed #1 and #2 (see Part One).  

Money is not the answer to life’s problems.


I wonder if whoever said that had ever been without, but reality is, this statement is true. I would rather know that if anything happens I will still be okay, then one day be out and wonder now what the hell am I going to do.   Oh! Wait I have been there.  I didn’t marry for money. I loved him despite of no money but I did get in a situation that I could not support myself; stupid me.   If you can’t 100% say you are independent then I would say it is time to get there and another reason to be single. 

Where is God in your life?

I need God.  I daily need him.  That means you need him too.  Do you pray? Do you attend church?  Do you worship God and listen to his prompts?  I want to not hear that you do this.  I want to see your life reflect Christ.  I know that no relationship or marriage will sustain without God.  How can I be prepared for a relationship or be ready for a relationship if I don’t daily go to my creator and get poured into.  

How can you be?  

I can’t love another fully if I can’t see through the right lenses.  Grace. Love. Mercy. Self-Control. Patience.  A sound mind.  My heart can’t validate anyone else’s heart, and my heart can only get validation from God.  I don’t want someone draining me every day because they are seeking from the world and seeking God through me.   God must be present in your life.

Are we friends?

Why rush into a dating relationship?  Can you be friends first?  I think this is important.  It is also proven that lasting relationships happen when there was a friendship first and love grew from that.   It seems like it is all or nothing with some men/woman.  

Why is that?

I want someone I know well.  Can I name your mom or sister?  Do we have some crazy story we share?  I know some people think a friendship is just like dating.  Friendships no matter what the outcome you are trying to achieve can look like dating.   However; you will know the difference.  I don’t kiss my friends.  I don’t hold their hands.  There is a level on which some things are going to be saved for a relationship status.  

I once met a great guy.  We were friends, at least, in my mind. I told him from the beginning: I just need to start slow and be friends.  I am not ready to date.  It was fine with him; until he started dating another.   Then my so-called friend no longer called or text.   I know some people think you can’t be friends with another of the opposite sex.  I completely disagree.   

I can assume the worse in this guy or the new girl in his life, but I prefer to think it was just God.  Slow down when you meet someone.  Don’t look to define the relationship right away.  Just be friends.  Have coffee, get to know each other, and let time tell you if this friendship should be more. Let friendship turn into dates! 

So are you self supported? Are you looking for a Godly man?  Are you trying to jump into a relationship or are you trying to be friends first.  

These are important goals to have set in your life before moving into a relationship.  

Stay tune for part 3! ❤ KGB 

over it.

 

 I wish I could say I was over it. 

But I can’t. 

My heart is so overwhelmed.

I try to let go.

I try to not stress. 

I try to not be sad or angry. 

But I do cry. 

But I do want to run away. 

But I do want to throw a fit and scream.

But I just keep going. 

I wake up everyday and keep going.

I really don’t have a choice.

I want to just sit somewhere with a coffee in my hand and watch the sun rise everything morning. 

I want to get over this season.  

I want to just take a deep breath and have peace instead all of this that overwhelms me. 

I want joy to overwhelm me. 

I am over it.

I can’t go backwards .

I wish I could.

Even for all the wrong reasons. 

My kids are so messed up right now. 

It is all my fault. 

My two jobs, suck the life out of me every  single day.  

I did this to myself. 

The feelings of failure, and being punished consume me. 

I am suppose to find the silver lining! 

I am suppose to have a mustard seed of faith. 

I am suppose to think of all the good things and be grateful. 

Right now I just want to be over it. 

God hear my prayer! Hear the desires of my heart! Where are you?! Where are you?!? Where the hell are you?!? Did you leave me?!? The bible says you don’t forsake us! But where are you?!? 

Or are you over it, too? 

Are you over me? 

Are you holding me in your hand? 

Are you covering me with your wing? 

Am I seeing only a fraction of how bad it really could be? 

Or is this just the beginning of a huge storm?  

Oh please God get me over it. 

Not Fine 

  Some days are harder than others. 
Tonight the lies creep in.

The lies come flooding in every few weeks.  The great flood of 2015.  2nd choice flood.  Not worth fighting for flood.  Not enough flood.  The alone for life flood. 

The words come so hard I have to sit on the floor and try to not punch the wall! I swear it feels like I have been sucker punched yet again. 

All of this because I wanted to make some stinking delicious green chile rellenos.  But making rellenos for one just opened a freaking flood gate of emotions.  Do you know how much work those suckers are for one?  Then I think well I don’t have anyone else to make them for! If I did I would do it in a heart beat! I would invite them over! Serve them! Do their laundry while we chatted. 

Seriously I am that much of an idiot! 

That is the problem. 

Reality is it was not the chile that pushed me over the edge.  It just seemed like it was.  

However; it is this shitty attitude of feeling 2nd to everything and everyone right now. 

How or better yet why I am overly eager to do things for others and rearrange my schedule to please others and how I constantly wonder about them- and yet here I am and where are they? Not here crying with me on the floor. 

They are off doing great things that I was (once again) not invited to! 

How do I overcome this? How do I find new friends that want to love me and cherish me? How do I find people who want new friends? Where do I find those who aren’t afraid to invite one more? How do you find friends who see the good, the transparency and find it so awesome that they call! They invite! 

Where are the great people that take notice when I say I am fine when reality is I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up again! 

Where are these people who desire true friendships.  Not these fake bullshit play dates and keeping up with Jones family or whoever the trend is today! Where are people who truly want another friend? Where are the ones who can be themselves with you 100% of the time and are grateful to have found that friend! 

My heart gives up. Feeling pretty hopeless. Being everyone’s 2nd choice or back up plan makes me crazy.  Wonder if Jesus ever felt this way?  So for now Jesus and coffee  is my new bff.  Screw people.  For now.  No more will I chase after those who don’t deserve me. 

Bye Felicia. 

❤️KGB 

Pay Attention

  

At the end of the night I cried out for a break through.  

He reminds me of a photo.  

One I took at 9:30 this morning. 

Break through.  

So much darkness but a beautiful break through of light. Not a little break through.  A lot of break through.

Not just a break through.  Instead a beautiful breakthrough. 

You can see His glory.  You can see His glory shining on many different things and in many different directions. 

Before I ever even asked for break through; He was showing me.  Baby girl it is coming. 

It is important to pay attention.  

Not just take a pretty picture, post it and move on with your day. 

Pay attention.  All the time.  Your daddy is talking to you. Showing you.  

Wisdom about Running Away

When one simply wants to run away do you buy a one way ticket or an open round-trip ticket? Do you pack a bag or just run?

This was how my email started. A good friend offered advice and to be my sarcastic normal self- and sneak in some honesty; I wrote those questions. Yes. I wanted to run away. I wanted to just say screw it all and take off.

Running away seems like the best answer and the first solution in my book. I didn’t want to face the day or my problems anymore. I didn’t want to wear my big girl panties or deal with my shit. Today, well quite honestly everyday, I want to run.

Now we all know that was not and is not the answer to my problems. However, it felt good pondering on it for a while. Where would I go? The beach or the mountains? What would I do?! Would anyone besides my kids miss me? What do I pack? For some reason I could only think of one thing. An old movie, but a classic; The Godfather.

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So back to the email. Their response was not good advice. They told me to stay! Wtf! Ha! Yea. I know I get it. However, I would have loved some different advice. Would it have killed them to say “pack a bag, one way ticket and enjoy your trip!”

See I am tired. I am VERY tired. I am so tired that I seriously keep thinking escaping is the only way to clear my heart and head. Yet, I find it quite humorous that every time I think okay today is the day to run…. I find something on my to do list that I just can’t leave undone before my trip.

See that is just it. I am always the fighter. I am always willing to put the big girl panties on and just deal with it. Now don’t get me wrong I have bad days or things in my life that I have allowed to take me out; but I have always (and eventually) gotten back up. I am the achiever that doesn’t know how to disappoint or not work hard. I am always the one who wants to come in; show my worth and value…..and be the princess (the badass princess) that saves the day! Thank you Steve Maraboli for that quote! It literally describes me to a tee.

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However, I just found the 1st problem. I am tired because I am constantly working my ass off to make sure others see me. Value me… Pick me…choose me….want me…. I put my worth in the hands of others; all the time. Why do I do this?!? Especially when I know my validation can and will only come from the one. The one. A.k.a. God. Period. No if’s…or and’s…or but’s about it.

The thing is I know this. I know what I bring to the table but yet constantly wonder is it enough?

The 2nd problem: I can be a badass princess but I can’t save anyone. Or fix any one. I can only show love. I have to let God do the badass saving stuff. I get to just be the badass princess.

So I can’t run. Boo. I have to deal with my shit. Stand tall. Be a warrior. Do my thing. Do the thing He created me to do and stop trying to run from it or from the people he places in my life all the time. I have to stop trying to protect myself.

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So no more running. Instead, I stand tall and firm. I will fix my crown and keep being
a badass; the badass He made me to be. And eat my cannoli.

❤️KGB

5 Ways To Relax and Refill; My Favorite Ways

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I frequently run on emtpy. The problem is I run on empty so much that I don’t even recognize when I am on empty.

My car has a light that lets me know it is about to be on empty or it stops running when I have ignored that light; why can’t I have a light or warning beep or something?

😄 -Moving on-

So here are my top 5 favorite things to do when I need to relax, refill or re-find (or redefined) my heart. 5 easy and cheap things to do because we all know a trip to Italy or a girl’s weekend isn’t always in the budget.

1. A Mental Health Day
I just take a day off. No laundry, chores or cleaning. The kids also enjoy taking a day off. We play all day. We get take out for dinner (normally pizza) and we eat on paper plates. A mental health day is a great way to refill. It is okay to even take a mental health day without kiddos if you can do that, but if not it is okay to take a day off with them.

2. Go Somewhere
I don’t care where you live there is always some place to go and see; either a new place or some place beautiful that your heart loves no matter how many times you have seen it. A river, a flower garden, a zoo, old buildings, a museum etc etc. Sometimes just a few hours away from the real world helps you get a new perspective.

3. A Cup With A Green Straw
Okay, okay so maybe Starbucks is not your thing. However; whatever is your thing (chocolate, coffee, Sonic, cookies, yogurt etc etc) go get it and go enjoy it.

4. Something New
Something new can be anything. A new outfit, new book, new blog, new movie, new dinner place, new recipe…. Something new doesn’t even mean “new”. It just can be cheap, free, or borrowed. Something new to you. I like to read so a new blog or book is a perfect way to relax. I like to cook a new meal for my family. I like to drive a new route home every chance I get. So see something new doesn’t have to even cost you anything.

5. Fresh Air
I know nature is not for everyone. So hear me out on this before you discount this one. In the bible it talks about the wilderness. Going out. Being alone. Outdoors. Nature. So I have found fresh air does my heart good. I can see clearly and hear better when I am surround by His creation. So nature may not be your thing. BUT I am telling you that you don’t have to camp or go all glamping (camping all glamourous) on me; you can enjoy the fresh air on a patio. Or at the pool or lake. Just get some fresh air.

So there it is. My top 5 things to do when my heart is empty and I need to relax and refill. I hope something on this list helps you or encourages you to try it!

❤️KGB

I am linking up with Proverbs 31 online bible study. check it out.