Single 101: Part 3

Part 3

You know I have kids, right?

You might have kids or not have kids. For some of us: this is our season of life right now.  In the last two years, I know 5 moms who have all gotten divorced.  Many of us are starting over in the career world, and the dating world.  With kids.  My kids are not my identity but, um duh, a very huge part of my life.  

I will continue to put their needs 1st before my dating life. 

You need to continue to put your kids first.  My main advice: don’t rely on a new relationship to help you be a better parent. Many people rush into a relationship to make single parenting life easier.  I am sorry but do you want a wife or husband or do you need a nanny?  

You need to be a confident parent on your own before you bring someone new into your life.  

Again, see part 1 and part two. If any of those areas need some work, then maybe dating should wait.  How will you know if the new person will mesh well with your children’s hearts and personality; without knowing if you can be friends first with that person? How can you say you want this person around your kids without knowing if God is in their life?  Do you know if they are financially stable? Do you if you are financially stable? 

Again, you will not notice red flags if you aren’t confident on your own.

I have two kids and want a partner not another child.  I want a partner.  However, having a partner will never come before my kids.  

You already have an existing tribe that you oversee the care of and adding a tribe member is serious.  Yep, you heard me, a tribe. At my house, we have a sign that says: “Our Tribe. Establish 2015. ” Our tribe is exclusive.  My kids have been hurt.  I have been hurt.  Our tribe is re-establishing.  I won’t rush them or myself.  I won’t be selfish and let someone into the tribe that will or could possibly hurt us more or cause chaos.  I know that whoever God brings to this tribe will be patient, will not push, and have lots of respect. 

Don’t bring people in without knowing that they have a lasting place in the tribe.  Everyone who is in the tribe has needs that are different.  Right now if all the needs aren’t being met then how can you bring in another?  

The relationship between you and the person your dating should be solid before bringing them to the tribe.  I hope in your new relationship, you can recognize if someone is forcing a relationship on your child or children or yourself.   Raise your hand if you have seen another person join a tribe too soon or before the new tribe had re-established itself.   Didn’t it make life 10x harder than it needed to be?  Did it take years to fix?   Did heal or hurt?   If they are overly eager to be in their life or moving too fast; you should be protecting your kids hearts and minds from that craziness.  

Your children are the most important thing.  That is your legacy.  This is your 1st priority.  You will know when the time is right if you are confident in yourself, seeking God for direction and have a solid tribe before you introduce someone new to it.
Again, this is my thoughts.  Things I 100% believe in.  My story is still being written but I won’t settle.  I will protect my tribe.  I am raising a queen and king.  I am getting my shit together.  I won’t apologize for that.  I won’t apologize for taking care of them or myself 1st. 
❤KGB 
 

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Single 101: Part Two

Part 2

More thoughts and wisdom on being single. 


Sugar Daddy or Momma?

That is funny but let’s be honest.

You should not be with someone because of money.  Money runs out or can go away.  My advice: You should be supporting yourself.  Are you standing on your own two feet?  If they have money or you have money great, but if you are looking for a person with money then you are looking for love to feel a need.  You have clearly missed #1 and #2 (see Part One).  

Money is not the answer to life’s problems.


I wonder if whoever said that had ever been without, but reality is, this statement is true. I would rather know that if anything happens I will still be okay, then one day be out and wonder now what the hell am I going to do.   Oh! Wait I have been there.  I didn’t marry for money. I loved him despite of no money but I did get in a situation that I could not support myself; stupid me.   If you can’t 100% say you are independent then I would say it is time to get there and another reason to be single. 

Where is God in your life?

I need God.  I daily need him.  That means you need him too.  Do you pray? Do you attend church?  Do you worship God and listen to his prompts?  I want to not hear that you do this.  I want to see your life reflect Christ.  I know that no relationship or marriage will sustain without God.  How can I be prepared for a relationship or be ready for a relationship if I don’t daily go to my creator and get poured into.  

How can you be?  

I can’t love another fully if I can’t see through the right lenses.  Grace. Love. Mercy. Self-Control. Patience.  A sound mind.  My heart can’t validate anyone else’s heart, and my heart can only get validation from God.  I don’t want someone draining me every day because they are seeking from the world and seeking God through me.   God must be present in your life.

Are we friends?

Why rush into a dating relationship?  Can you be friends first?  I think this is important.  It is also proven that lasting relationships happen when there was a friendship first and love grew from that.   It seems like it is all or nothing with some men/woman.  

Why is that?

I want someone I know well.  Can I name your mom or sister?  Do we have some crazy story we share?  I know some people think a friendship is just like dating.  Friendships no matter what the outcome you are trying to achieve can look like dating.   However; you will know the difference.  I don’t kiss my friends.  I don’t hold their hands.  There is a level on which some things are going to be saved for a relationship status.  

I once met a great guy.  We were friends, at least, in my mind. I told him from the beginning: I just need to start slow and be friends.  I am not ready to date.  It was fine with him; until he started dating another.   Then my so-called friend no longer called or text.   I know some people think you can’t be friends with another of the opposite sex.  I completely disagree.   

I can assume the worse in this guy or the new girl in his life, but I prefer to think it was just God.  Slow down when you meet someone.  Don’t look to define the relationship right away.  Just be friends.  Have coffee, get to know each other, and let time tell you if this friendship should be more. Let friendship turn into dates! 

So are you self supported? Are you looking for a Godly man?  Are you trying to jump into a relationship or are you trying to be friends first.  

These are important goals to have set in your life before moving into a relationship.  

Stay tune for part 3! ❤ KGB 

Feels like a Death

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I have been to many funerals.

I have been to a few where a life was taken way too soon. A baby, a toddler, a high school student, all completely unexpected. I have been to a few where a life was gone after years or months of fighting against cancer or an illness. I have been to a few where the person was older. They had lived a long productive life and it was just their time.

No matter which one the grief was still there. There was still this hole left behind from the person who was gone.

What amazes me is how I feel today is like I am at a funeral. I feel like a death has taken place. My heart is full of grief.

As I sit in my car waiting to walk the few steps; I keep thinking about all the people I have had to say good bye to and the few I didn’t get a chance to. I wish I could tell a few just one more time that I loved them. A few I wish I had gotten a chance to tell them they had made me happy. Oh how I wish I had gotten to hold a few of them one more time. Grief of their death is still so fresh. Especially today.

Weird how one death will remind you of all deaths. Weird how this feels like death.

11 years with a person and you never think it will come to this.

Yet the person is still alive. I will still see him walking around. I will see him with the kids or at certain events in life. So even though he is and will be very much alive…. Our divorce feels like a death.

My heart feels like I am grieving a death.

And maybe that is exactly what divorce is suppose to feel like. A death to dreams and hopes you had for each other. Death to your relationship. Death to the love you once had. Death to a marriage that really feels like we fought cancer for years. Death to a marriage that ended way too soon.  Death to something that never seemed would die.  

Death that feels so sudden and out of nowhere.

I don’t know.

Today I go to sign papers for a divorce and it feels like a death in my heart.

❤️KGB

You ARE My Cup of Tea

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I wrote these words down for a chalk board idea for my daughter’s birthday tea party one week before I went on vacation. Little did I know how much these words were going to mean to me when I returned home.

See vacation wasn’t really a vacation.

It was a trip to see family; lots of family. Family that has history, drama and lots of personalities. After vacation my heart ached.

I went home to see family where from day one it felt like a big mistake. I continually feel like I don’t fit in. I am not wanted. The list goes on and on. Then of course the words, the looks; or the lack of words and looks back up the mix up feelings I am feeling.

I had gone on this trip to get some fresh air. To see a new perspective. My heart and mind were already so messed up; I needed a trip to refresh.

Then came the day. The day where I was already tired, feeling low and quite frankly just had had enough…The words were probably meant out of love, but it didn’t feel like love. They were hurtful. They confirmed how I already felt. I ruin everything. I am the worse mom.I am a bad daughter.I suck at everything.

If you haven’t read any of my other blogs you should know I believe this:

We can love people but we can’t save them.
We can love people but only God can fix them.
We can love people by loving them; faults and all.
We can love people by loving them; not finding their faults and calling out their faults.
We can only love people and showing them love helps them change.

Loving people is all He has called us to do.

So that is what I believe. As much as some times I would love to sit down and list off a person’s faults I just know it hurts more than it helps. I know it is just better to not do that. Especially when you don’t know their heart or the emotional state they are in.

When God wants you to help he will give the best opportunity and until then shut up.

Seriously. Can I get an amen?

-Anyways back to my post-

I came home with one empty love tank. Now please know my family means well. My grandparents love me. I know that. My love tank was on empty when I got there and I came home on empty. Not because of them but because of me.

So I did what I know and do best when I am trying to avoid. I cleaned. I rearranged. I got busy.

So the chalkboard sign was the first thing on the party to do list. I got my stencils out and started tracing the letters away. It didn’t take long to get it all traced and hung in the frame. I sat back and took a picture. That is when I saw my reflection in the glass. That is when I saw the words written literally on me.

On my heart. On my face.

You’re my cup of tea.

He reminded me in that moment that I am His. He picks me. He loves me. I may not be every one else’s choice but I am His.

I grieved over words that were said. I asked why am I this way and not that way?! Why can’t I get this right?! Why do they think that when that is not true?! Why do I think that when it is not true?!?

Not competing. Not this. Not that. Why am I here?!? I don’t speak right. I don’t parent right. Lord I am a complete mess! Failure!!!!!!

The anger and sadness just flowed. The questions kept coming. My face did hurt from the tears that streamed down. I just sat there asking why after why. Every thing that was said or had been spoken over me and things I had felt or said; laid at his feet.

You know what I heard again when I finally looked up?!?

You’re MY cup of tea.

Yep it was still there.

Literally He wrote it on me.

Whispered it to my heart.

Yelled it at all my accusers.

Tattooed it on my brain.

My love tank is full again.

So what about you? Do you know that you too are his cup of tea? You might not be everyone’s but you are His. I want to be everyone’s cup of tea. However, I can’t be. I am and can be His though. AND that is the best thing for me.

That is the best thing for you, too. So when others don’t understand or try to fix you or change you. Just be you.

Just be you.

See the words written on your heart…

You’re my cup of tea.

❤️KGB

Naked

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Oh how I long to run around naked everyday, all day…every where.

Totally free to put myself all out there.

Completely unashamed.

Abandoned of what others may think.

Freedom from what others may say.

I want to not cover up out of fear.

I want to stop hiding.

This desire to not be too much but to be enough is exhausting.

Tired of the masks that I feel forced to wear.

I want to smile when I want to smile.

And I want to cry when I want to cry.

Would I or could I dare to be brave, to be bold to bare it all?

I long to display it all.

I long to not scrutinize.

I long for others to join.

I long to expose my true self and to see others the way he made them, too.

Where can my heart finally be naked and free?

When can I be who I was made to be?

When will I feel completely safe to be the way he created me to be?

Oh this heart of mine….maybe it is time….no longer caged… No longer living up to expectations from any one but him….go…dare to be you…dare to bare it all.

Heart be naked and free.