Single 101: Part 3

Part 3

You know I have kids, right?

You might have kids or not have kids. For some of us: this is our season of life right now.  In the last two years, I know 5 moms who have all gotten divorced.  Many of us are starting over in the career world, and the dating world.  With kids.  My kids are not my identity but, um duh, a very huge part of my life.  

I will continue to put their needs 1st before my dating life. 

You need to continue to put your kids first.  My main advice: don’t rely on a new relationship to help you be a better parent. Many people rush into a relationship to make single parenting life easier.  I am sorry but do you want a wife or husband or do you need a nanny?  

You need to be a confident parent on your own before you bring someone new into your life.  

Again, see part 1 and part two. If any of those areas need some work, then maybe dating should wait.  How will you know if the new person will mesh well with your children’s hearts and personality; without knowing if you can be friends first with that person? How can you say you want this person around your kids without knowing if God is in their life?  Do you know if they are financially stable? Do you if you are financially stable? 

Again, you will not notice red flags if you aren’t confident on your own.

I have two kids and want a partner not another child.  I want a partner.  However, having a partner will never come before my kids.  

You already have an existing tribe that you oversee the care of and adding a tribe member is serious.  Yep, you heard me, a tribe. At my house, we have a sign that says: “Our Tribe. Establish 2015. ” Our tribe is exclusive.  My kids have been hurt.  I have been hurt.  Our tribe is re-establishing.  I won’t rush them or myself.  I won’t be selfish and let someone into the tribe that will or could possibly hurt us more or cause chaos.  I know that whoever God brings to this tribe will be patient, will not push, and have lots of respect. 

Don’t bring people in without knowing that they have a lasting place in the tribe.  Everyone who is in the tribe has needs that are different.  Right now if all the needs aren’t being met then how can you bring in another?  

The relationship between you and the person your dating should be solid before bringing them to the tribe.  I hope in your new relationship, you can recognize if someone is forcing a relationship on your child or children or yourself.   Raise your hand if you have seen another person join a tribe too soon or before the new tribe had re-established itself.   Didn’t it make life 10x harder than it needed to be?  Did it take years to fix?   Did heal or hurt?   If they are overly eager to be in their life or moving too fast; you should be protecting your kids hearts and minds from that craziness.  

Your children are the most important thing.  That is your legacy.  This is your 1st priority.  You will know when the time is right if you are confident in yourself, seeking God for direction and have a solid tribe before you introduce someone new to it.
Again, this is my thoughts.  Things I 100% believe in.  My story is still being written but I won’t settle.  I will protect my tribe.  I am raising a queen and king.  I am getting my shit together.  I won’t apologize for that.  I won’t apologize for taking care of them or myself 1st. 


Single 101: Part Two

Part 2

More thoughts and wisdom on being single. 

Sugar Daddy or Momma?

That is funny but let’s be honest.

You should not be with someone because of money.  Money runs out or can go away.  My advice: You should be supporting yourself.  Are you standing on your own two feet?  If they have money or you have money great, but if you are looking for a person with money then you are looking for love to feel a need.  You have clearly missed #1 and #2 (see Part One).  

Money is not the answer to life’s problems.

I wonder if whoever said that had ever been without, but reality is, this statement is true. I would rather know that if anything happens I will still be okay, then one day be out and wonder now what the hell am I going to do.   Oh! Wait I have been there.  I didn’t marry for money. I loved him despite of no money but I did get in a situation that I could not support myself; stupid me.   If you can’t 100% say you are independent then I would say it is time to get there and another reason to be single. 

Where is God in your life?

I need God.  I daily need him.  That means you need him too.  Do you pray? Do you attend church?  Do you worship God and listen to his prompts?  I want to not hear that you do this.  I want to see your life reflect Christ.  I know that no relationship or marriage will sustain without God.  How can I be prepared for a relationship or be ready for a relationship if I don’t daily go to my creator and get poured into.  

How can you be?  

I can’t love another fully if I can’t see through the right lenses.  Grace. Love. Mercy. Self-Control. Patience.  A sound mind.  My heart can’t validate anyone else’s heart, and my heart can only get validation from God.  I don’t want someone draining me every day because they are seeking from the world and seeking God through me.   God must be present in your life.

Are we friends?

Why rush into a dating relationship?  Can you be friends first?  I think this is important.  It is also proven that lasting relationships happen when there was a friendship first and love grew from that.   It seems like it is all or nothing with some men/woman.  

Why is that?

I want someone I know well.  Can I name your mom or sister?  Do we have some crazy story we share?  I know some people think a friendship is just like dating.  Friendships no matter what the outcome you are trying to achieve can look like dating.   However; you will know the difference.  I don’t kiss my friends.  I don’t hold their hands.  There is a level on which some things are going to be saved for a relationship status.  

I once met a great guy.  We were friends, at least, in my mind. I told him from the beginning: I just need to start slow and be friends.  I am not ready to date.  It was fine with him; until he started dating another.   Then my so-called friend no longer called or text.   I know some people think you can’t be friends with another of the opposite sex.  I completely disagree.   

I can assume the worse in this guy or the new girl in his life, but I prefer to think it was just God.  Slow down when you meet someone.  Don’t look to define the relationship right away.  Just be friends.  Have coffee, get to know each other, and let time tell you if this friendship should be more. Let friendship turn into dates! 

So are you self supported? Are you looking for a Godly man?  Are you trying to jump into a relationship or are you trying to be friends first.  

These are important goals to have set in your life before moving into a relationship.  

Stay tune for part 3! ❤ KGB 

Journeying To a Far off Healthy Me: Wanna Join? 

Adrianne (my best friend) and I at my  bachorlette party. 

Yes this is me.  Blonde and short hair.  And fat.  Some may not believe me when I say I have tipped the scales at 180, but it is true.  

Here is another: 

7 months later from previous photo and yes pregnant but was mostly fat. I only gained 12-15 pounds during each of my pregnancies. My fat problem was my own demons and not pregnancy related. 

When I graduated high school I was 100.  I was 100 though because I was not happy and fighting demons of drugs, alcohol and anerixa. 

When I was in college I got to a healthy 115.  I was drinking but taking care of myself. Working out and eating was no longer a challenge.  I was working at Hooters and most girls took some type of diet pill cocktail.  I tried it but working out and drinking was more my style.  The hangover diet worked well for me too. Until I had the abortion.  Then the demons came back. Boy, did they come back and armed with such self hatred that I no longer cared what I looked like.  

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child I was 130.  I was this weight because I was drinking.  A lot.  Eating. A lot.  Two bottles of vodka a day was a common part of my diet.  No longer taking drugs. I had been cleaned for years at this point.   I would eat but throw most of it up.  Binge eating and drinking made me feel better about myself.  No longer working out and eating way more than I needed to. 

When I got married I was 165. No drugs.  Alcohol had become a “only when at a social events” or a “bad day” alternative.  However, food become my new addiction.  I could no longer be hung over or drunk and take care of a child, but I could eat.  I could drown my feelings with comfort food. It was my new way to kill myself.  Clog those arteries! 

When I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child I was 150. Yep, somewhere in there I realized my new addiction had become food and I had tried  to fix myself.  I tried to eat better and exercise.  I just hated myself so much there were days I starved myself.  I had developed a fitting room phobia (or mirror phobia) and no longer cared about dressing nice, doing my hair or makeup.  I hated looking in the mirror.  I hated myself. I was on a path of complete self destruction without the help of drugs or alcohol this time.  The fitting room phobia still lingers. 

After my daughters birth I got up to 180.

Now I am back to 127.  She will be 6 in August and it has been a journey the last 5 years. Exercise, and paleo diet have been the key.  Self control has been the lesson.  Self acceptance and loving myself is a daily process.  Learning progress not perfection is the expectation. 

So what is the point to telling you all this? 

I thought I needed to give some back history.  Some people just think I have always been fit and skinny.  Some people don’t realize how much I have struggled with my body.  They don’t realize why I have such bad body issues. Why I still hate shopping for clothes! Why I still grab the large size and the not small.  Why when I gain a pound back or lose five I analyze my week.  I don’t want to starve myself.  I don’t want to binge.  I don’t want to be my old self. 

I want to be free.  I want to be healthy.  I want to not feel bad when I “cheat” or feel bad when I  forgot to eat!  I want to look in the mirror and not see fat or skinny.  I want to look in the mirror and see me.  I want to see my blue eyes, my smile, my giving spirit, my joy, and I wanna see those brains people talk about!! I want to see just me.  

The me God created me to be.  

So I don’t know where you are in this journey. Maybe you are already there; healthy- free- and have victory over personal unhealthy demons or maybe you are me; been on the journey for a while but aren’t quite there.  

Or maybe you haven’t even started the journey yet; maybe you hate yourself and at this moment feeling like you want to do this but can’t.  Can I encourage you today!? 

Can I say join us! Can I tell you that you can do this! You are beautiful and loved! You are worthy and ENOUGH! 

Let today be the day! Join me in that journey!!! 

No body is in this alone.  Let me know if you want to walk with me in this journey! I would love to partner up! 

I wish I Could Have Told Myself

If my 32 year old self could get in a time machine and go back in time….I would tell myself:

Age 6:
It is okay.
You are loved.
You are seen.
You are not a mistake.
You are wanted.
You are enough.
Listen to your gut feeling.
Love yourself even when others don’t.

Age 11:
Way to go.
Good job.
You do make God proud.
You are beautiful.
He sees you.
You are no alone.
Don’t give up.
Don’t believe that lie.
Be brave.
You are chosen.
Words do hurt.

Age 16:
You can do it.
Prove them wrong.
Don’t go there.
Don’t wear that.
You are smart.
Don’t stop smiling.
Protect your heart.
Failure is okay.
Go after that big dream.
You are more than enough.

Age 19:
Let him go.
Love yourself more.
Chose life.
Take care of yourself.
Get back up.
Keep writing.
Stand out don’t try to fit in.
Take a leap of faith.
Everything will work out.
Get some sleep.
Take care of yourself.

Age 22:
Let them go.
Time to chase that dream.
Listen to your heart.
Slow down.
Keep fighting.
He sees you.
You are loved.
You are not a nobody.
He still loves you.
You are brave.
You are always enough.

Age 24:
Let go.
Be yourself.
Don’t hate.
Don’t change.
It’s okay to fail.
Check your attitude.
Don’t become like them.
It is time to fly.

Age 28:
Think twice.
Allow room for grace.
Seek Him more.
Screw them.
You are safe.
You are precious.
It is okay.
You will be okay.

Age 32:

Ah well that would be me today. I wish my 32 year old self would be okay with her body after two kids. I wish that she always felt strong and smart. I wish she knew she was worthy and loved. I wish she believed that she is beautiful and not average. I wish I believed more in myself and always felt enough.

Maybe if I had heard these things when I was younger. Perhaps if way back then if I heard these things I wouldn’t be needing to hear them now.

Perhaps without hearing them then I can truly hear them now.

I can’t go back in time but I can go forward. I can tell my children the words they need to hear. I can tell others, too. I can encourage them and hope to guide them to hear His words instead of the silence they may be hearing.

Perhaps I wasn’t suppose to hear these things way back when but hearing them now is His perfect timing.

I can look back on my life and see the ashes to beauty journey as the greatest adventure. The adventure that made me the person I am today. The good, the bad, and the ugly was all for a reason.

The experience helped me value the words more.



I battle depression. A lot.

It is a hard truth to admit. I don’t take pills and I don’t condemn those who do. I think there are different levels and degrees of depression. Some degrees require whatever means necessary to fight the demon on your back.

Sometimes I am able to snap back quickly. Somedays I am not able to shake the heavy heart and the gloom over my brain.

Those days are when I need a little extra encouragement or love. Those really tough days I feel like I am at a crossroad and I have to pick fight or die.

Yes. I said it. Fight or die. Anyone who knows how hard the struggle is would agree.

I can’t tell you what happens that bring me to this road. Some days I wake up that way. Some days I go to bed that way. Some days I see the road approaching and I am able to quickly change my route. Other days I see it approaching and nothing I do stops it.

Some times I am at this crossroad for an entire month. Sometimes I don’t see it for months.

Random demon.

That is what I call this spirit. Random demon…two words to you…you suck.

I am tired of you latching yourself to others and to me. I am tired of your lies. I am pist off at the lives you have taken. I am here to say you are messing with the wrong girl. I am standing to say I will fight you and I will win.

Why am I so confident?

I am confident because I know the truth.


I am confident that every time you take me to this crossroad somewhere deep in my heart, soul and mind I will remember:


I know that God is for me. I know that he created me for a purpose. I know that He loves me. I know this is true not just for me but also for any who struggle.

I know that it is hard. I know when you are in this battle or at the crossroad at times we are tired, weary, and just wanting to give up. I know fighting is hard. However- next time you are standing there deciding to fight or die remember the truth! Say it out loud! Scream it! Tell random demon to piss off!

You are loved. Your life matters. period.


Thank you Renee Swope for the words of encouragement! Her post Words for the Weary here .