Single 101: Part 3

Part 3

You know I have kids, right?

You might have kids or not have kids. For some of us: this is our season of life right now.  In the last two years, I know 5 moms who have all gotten divorced.  Many of us are starting over in the career world, and the dating world.  With kids.  My kids are not my identity but, um duh, a very huge part of my life.  

I will continue to put their needs 1st before my dating life. 

You need to continue to put your kids first.  My main advice: don’t rely on a new relationship to help you be a better parent. Many people rush into a relationship to make single parenting life easier.  I am sorry but do you want a wife or husband or do you need a nanny?  

You need to be a confident parent on your own before you bring someone new into your life.  

Again, see part 1 and part two. If any of those areas need some work, then maybe dating should wait.  How will you know if the new person will mesh well with your children’s hearts and personality; without knowing if you can be friends first with that person? How can you say you want this person around your kids without knowing if God is in their life?  Do you know if they are financially stable? Do you if you are financially stable? 

Again, you will not notice red flags if you aren’t confident on your own.

I have two kids and want a partner not another child.  I want a partner.  However, having a partner will never come before my kids.  

You already have an existing tribe that you oversee the care of and adding a tribe member is serious.  Yep, you heard me, a tribe. At my house, we have a sign that says: “Our Tribe. Establish 2015. ” Our tribe is exclusive.  My kids have been hurt.  I have been hurt.  Our tribe is re-establishing.  I won’t rush them or myself.  I won’t be selfish and let someone into the tribe that will or could possibly hurt us more or cause chaos.  I know that whoever God brings to this tribe will be patient, will not push, and have lots of respect. 

Don’t bring people in without knowing that they have a lasting place in the tribe.  Everyone who is in the tribe has needs that are different.  Right now if all the needs aren’t being met then how can you bring in another?  

The relationship between you and the person your dating should be solid before bringing them to the tribe.  I hope in your new relationship, you can recognize if someone is forcing a relationship on your child or children or yourself.   Raise your hand if you have seen another person join a tribe too soon or before the new tribe had re-established itself.   Didn’t it make life 10x harder than it needed to be?  Did it take years to fix?   Did heal or hurt?   If they are overly eager to be in their life or moving too fast; you should be protecting your kids hearts and minds from that craziness.  

Your children are the most important thing.  That is your legacy.  This is your 1st priority.  You will know when the time is right if you are confident in yourself, seeking God for direction and have a solid tribe before you introduce someone new to it.
Again, this is my thoughts.  Things I 100% believe in.  My story is still being written but I won’t settle.  I will protect my tribe.  I am raising a queen and king.  I am getting my shit together.  I won’t apologize for that.  I won’t apologize for taking care of them or myself 1st. 


5 Ways To Relax and Refill; My Favorite Ways


I frequently run on emtpy. The problem is I run on empty so much that I don’t even recognize when I am on empty.

My car has a light that lets me know it is about to be on empty or it stops running when I have ignored that light; why can’t I have a light or warning beep or something?

😄 -Moving on-

So here are my top 5 favorite things to do when I need to relax, refill or re-find (or redefined) my heart. 5 easy and cheap things to do because we all know a trip to Italy or a girl’s weekend isn’t always in the budget.

1. A Mental Health Day
I just take a day off. No laundry, chores or cleaning. The kids also enjoy taking a day off. We play all day. We get take out for dinner (normally pizza) and we eat on paper plates. A mental health day is a great way to refill. It is okay to even take a mental health day without kiddos if you can do that, but if not it is okay to take a day off with them.

2. Go Somewhere
I don’t care where you live there is always some place to go and see; either a new place or some place beautiful that your heart loves no matter how many times you have seen it. A river, a flower garden, a zoo, old buildings, a museum etc etc. Sometimes just a few hours away from the real world helps you get a new perspective.

3. A Cup With A Green Straw
Okay, okay so maybe Starbucks is not your thing. However; whatever is your thing (chocolate, coffee, Sonic, cookies, yogurt etc etc) go get it and go enjoy it.

4. Something New
Something new can be anything. A new outfit, new book, new blog, new movie, new dinner place, new recipe…. Something new doesn’t even mean “new”. It just can be cheap, free, or borrowed. Something new to you. I like to read so a new blog or book is a perfect way to relax. I like to cook a new meal for my family. I like to drive a new route home every chance I get. So see something new doesn’t have to even cost you anything.

5. Fresh Air
I know nature is not for everyone. So hear me out on this before you discount this one. In the bible it talks about the wilderness. Going out. Being alone. Outdoors. Nature. So I have found fresh air does my heart good. I can see clearly and hear better when I am surround by His creation. So nature may not be your thing. BUT I am telling you that you don’t have to camp or go all glamping (camping all glamourous) on me; you can enjoy the fresh air on a patio. Or at the pool or lake. Just get some fresh air.

So there it is. My top 5 things to do when my heart is empty and I need to relax and refill. I hope something on this list helps you or encourages you to try it!


I am linking up with Proverbs 31 online bible study. check it out.

5 Confessions From a Real Mom


These confessions might shock you. So if you are a mom that has it together all the time and never do anything shocking then don’t read this post. Or maybe you should read it so you will either relax a little or I will help you feel even better about yourself.

1. Popcorn is served for breakfast!

Yep. I have and will continue to serve popcorn (occasionally) for breakfast. My husband was appalled when he saw me do this one day but I put his mind to ease when I said “what is the problem? Honestly this is just like corn pops; just the dollar store version.”

2. My child has gone 5 days without a bath.

Swimming in a pool counts as a bath right?!? Right?! Can I get an amen?

3. I have lied to my child about having super hero powers.

I have lied. There I said it! I have told my son I know about things he does when I am not around because I can see into the future. I have told my daughter that I have super strength because I do the laundry. She now helps with the laundry every time I do it. She is getting so strong! I can tell!

4. I gave my child a three course meal the very first time I was told by their doctor they could eat food.

Yeah. My pediatrician gave me the thumbs up on starting my child on food; so I went to the store and bought every kind of food gerber had. I feed that child at least a little of every kind of baby jar food at every meal. Good thing they didn’t have food allergies. I didn’t know any better until the next check up. 3 months later.

5. My children can speak in movie quotes.

They can carry a full conversation in just movie quotes. Some movies they have probably never even seen but have heard dad and I quote it and so they copy it. Either way movies have helped shaped my children’s vocabulary and I am okay with that.

Okay so these may not be that shocking. Some may just be more humorous than anything else. However, I needed to share. I needed to get it out there that I am not perfect. I don’t have my stuff altogether all the time. Lately things have been tough in the mom department and all I can do is take deep breaths and remind myself of His strength that comes in during my weakness. I remind myself of His love and grace that completely swoops in when I mess up. I remind myself God picked me to be their mom and I have to trust that I may not always get in perfect but I will always be shown grace, forgiveness, mercy but most of all love.

I felt confessing my MMM(messy mommy moments) take away the power from satan beating me up with them. I wanted others to have the power to stand up and say I am doing the best I can and I am okay. We can all do better and we all have things to work on but why sit back and keep these things to ourselves when we should lean into each other and loudly confess our silly moments , laugh about the time we dropped dirty diaper on the floor dirty side down….. Yucky I know …
And move on from them.

So ladies stop hiding your mistakes. Confess and move on. Laugh a little and don’t worry if donuts were served yet again for breakfast! You are awesome and today while folding laundry I just know super powers are being placed deep in your heart!