Single 101: Part Two

Part 2

More thoughts and wisdom on being single. 


Sugar Daddy or Momma?

That is funny but let’s be honest.

You should not be with someone because of money.  Money runs out or can go away.  My advice: You should be supporting yourself.  Are you standing on your own two feet?  If they have money or you have money great, but if you are looking for a person with money then you are looking for love to feel a need.  You have clearly missed #1 and #2 (see Part One).  

Money is not the answer to life’s problems.


I wonder if whoever said that had ever been without, but reality is, this statement is true. I would rather know that if anything happens I will still be okay, then one day be out and wonder now what the hell am I going to do.   Oh! Wait I have been there.  I didn’t marry for money. I loved him despite of no money but I did get in a situation that I could not support myself; stupid me.   If you can’t 100% say you are independent then I would say it is time to get there and another reason to be single. 

Where is God in your life?

I need God.  I daily need him.  That means you need him too.  Do you pray? Do you attend church?  Do you worship God and listen to his prompts?  I want to not hear that you do this.  I want to see your life reflect Christ.  I know that no relationship or marriage will sustain without God.  How can I be prepared for a relationship or be ready for a relationship if I don’t daily go to my creator and get poured into.  

How can you be?  

I can’t love another fully if I can’t see through the right lenses.  Grace. Love. Mercy. Self-Control. Patience.  A sound mind.  My heart can’t validate anyone else’s heart, and my heart can only get validation from God.  I don’t want someone draining me every day because they are seeking from the world and seeking God through me.   God must be present in your life.

Are we friends?

Why rush into a dating relationship?  Can you be friends first?  I think this is important.  It is also proven that lasting relationships happen when there was a friendship first and love grew from that.   It seems like it is all or nothing with some men/woman.  

Why is that?

I want someone I know well.  Can I name your mom or sister?  Do we have some crazy story we share?  I know some people think a friendship is just like dating.  Friendships no matter what the outcome you are trying to achieve can look like dating.   However; you will know the difference.  I don’t kiss my friends.  I don’t hold their hands.  There is a level on which some things are going to be saved for a relationship status.  

I once met a great guy.  We were friends, at least, in my mind. I told him from the beginning: I just need to start slow and be friends.  I am not ready to date.  It was fine with him; until he started dating another.   Then my so-called friend no longer called or text.   I know some people think you can’t be friends with another of the opposite sex.  I completely disagree.   

I can assume the worse in this guy or the new girl in his life, but I prefer to think it was just God.  Slow down when you meet someone.  Don’t look to define the relationship right away.  Just be friends.  Have coffee, get to know each other, and let time tell you if this friendship should be more. Let friendship turn into dates! 

So are you self supported? Are you looking for a Godly man?  Are you trying to jump into a relationship or are you trying to be friends first.  

These are important goals to have set in your life before moving into a relationship.  

Stay tune for part 3! ❤ KGB 

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over it.

 

 I wish I could say I was over it. 

But I can’t. 

My heart is so overwhelmed.

I try to let go.

I try to not stress. 

I try to not be sad or angry. 

But I do cry. 

But I do want to run away. 

But I do want to throw a fit and scream.

But I just keep going. 

I wake up everyday and keep going.

I really don’t have a choice.

I want to just sit somewhere with a coffee in my hand and watch the sun rise everything morning. 

I want to get over this season.  

I want to just take a deep breath and have peace instead all of this that overwhelms me. 

I want joy to overwhelm me. 

I am over it.

I can’t go backwards .

I wish I could.

Even for all the wrong reasons. 

My kids are so messed up right now. 

It is all my fault. 

My two jobs, suck the life out of me every  single day.  

I did this to myself. 

The feelings of failure, and being punished consume me. 

I am suppose to find the silver lining! 

I am suppose to have a mustard seed of faith. 

I am suppose to think of all the good things and be grateful. 

Right now I just want to be over it. 

God hear my prayer! Hear the desires of my heart! Where are you?! Where are you?!? Where the hell are you?!? Did you leave me?!? The bible says you don’t forsake us! But where are you?!? 

Or are you over it, too? 

Are you over me? 

Are you holding me in your hand? 

Are you covering me with your wing? 

Am I seeing only a fraction of how bad it really could be? 

Or is this just the beginning of a huge storm?  

Oh please God get me over it. 

I May Need Jessie Spano’s Caffine Pills

Most of you get my title.  Some of you may not.  It is a reference to an episode on Saved By The Bell.  I happen to think this is still the Best. Show. Ever. 

  
Here is a clip:Jessie Spano so excited!

So why do I think I need her Caffine pills? There is never enough time!  Seriously.  What I am about to share with y’all is true.  

It may either scare some of you who are contemplating doing life alone.  

It may make some of you more grateful that you don’t do life alone.  

It may make some single moms out there cry knowing they are not alone.  

Whatever it does to you please note I am not complaining; just sharing my season of life right now.

My schedule is crazy.  I officially have decided busy is an understatement! 

  
Here is why: 

There is 7 days in a week. 24 hours in a day.  So 168 hours in a week. I know I know…simple math but stay with me gotta set up the word problem.

I have one job I work roughly 40 hours.  

I have another job that I work 25 hours a week.  Some weeks I can do 30.  

It takes me about 20 minutes  to work in the morning and 20 minutes home in the evening. The two jobs are minutes apart.  So drive time I will say each week is 3 hours (probably more but just for good measure).  

So here is the math: 168-40-25-3 equals 100.  Are you tired yet? 

So now I am down to 100 hours.  I sleep about 6 hours a night.  So 42 hours a week I am sleeping or try to sleep.  See my earlier post and you would know I don’t sleep that much. 

So 58 hours a week is what I have left in my time bank.  Which Monday thru Friday I have around 5 hours a day in which I am left trying to fit in: showering, eating, being a mom, laundry, cleaning, cooking, being a friend, going to the gym, etc etc.  

  
Saturday and Sunday there is groceries to be bought.  Work to still be done.  Extra activities to participate in.  This is why I lately I can’t do it all.  Or be it all.  I don’t always get to return phone calls; even text messages.  Or send the perfect email. Or get to do all the fun things I want to do!  Some days I am wanting to put up my feet and watch Netflix all day, but I feel guilty as soon as I even try to rest. 

  
However, I am trying to be excited.  Trying.  Some days I am VERY excited  to see where God takes me.  Excited to be in this season but even more excited to see where this season takes me.  I am grateful for the provision, the strength, the grace and NEW mercy given to me daily.  

Some days I am scared. Very scared. Scared of failing as a mom.  As an employee.  As a friend.  Scared I am going to screw it all up.  Wondering where did my day go? Looking at the clock thinking man will I be able to do that or this today? How will I ever make it through the week? 

One thing for sure is I don’t need Jessie’s pills. 

  
My hope is not trusting caffeine  pills, or red bull or more hours in a day. There is no hope with dope!!! 😁😁😁 

He is my hope. This season may be busy.  However, there is a reason. There is beauty even in all of this.  I just have to trust him.  Ask to see the lesson.  Ask to see the beauty.  Ask for rest.  Ask for my steps to be directed daily so I don’t miss any opportunity.  

So single mommas out there: I raise my glass to you tonight! I am so proud of every single one of you.  Keeping up with the crazy schedules! You go girl! Keep it up! Don’t be scared! He has you! Be excited! Drink that coffee but more importantly be still and know. 

❤️KGB 

A Quote For 2015

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F. Scott Fitzgerald you have my attention. My heart was captured. Your words made me wonder. Your words made my heart take a leap.

Now I fly. Holding tightly to your wisdom.

I hope you make the best of it.

2015 is approaching fast. Faster than I would
like.

I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

This next year holds a lot of uncertainties for me. It makes me a little scared.

You can change or stay the same.

These uncertainties are going to change me. Change will be good.

I hope you feel things that you have never felt before.

This will be a year for me to let go. Allow the walls to fall and do things I never thought I could or would.

For what is worth, it is never too late or too early.

I always thought it was.

Be whoever you want to be.

I want to be who I was created to be.

Unapologetically me.

Crossroads

I battle depression. A lot.

It is a hard truth to admit. I don’t take pills and I don’t condemn those who do. I think there are different levels and degrees of depression. Some degrees require whatever means necessary to fight the demon on your back.

Sometimes I am able to snap back quickly. Somedays I am not able to shake the heavy heart and the gloom over my brain.

Those days are when I need a little extra encouragement or love. Those really tough days I feel like I am at a crossroad and I have to pick fight or die.

Yes. I said it. Fight or die. Anyone who knows how hard the struggle is would agree.

I can’t tell you what happens that bring me to this road. Some days I wake up that way. Some days I go to bed that way. Some days I see the road approaching and I am able to quickly change my route. Other days I see it approaching and nothing I do stops it.

Some times I am at this crossroad for an entire month. Sometimes I don’t see it for months.

Random demon.

That is what I call this spirit. Random demon…two words to you…you suck.

I am tired of you latching yourself to others and to me. I am tired of your lies. I am pist off at the lives you have taken. I am here to say you are messing with the wrong girl. I am standing to say I will fight you and I will win.

Why am I so confident?

I am confident because I know the truth.

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I am confident that every time you take me to this crossroad somewhere deep in my heart, soul and mind I will remember:

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I know that God is for me. I know that he created me for a purpose. I know that He loves me. I know this is true not just for me but also for any who struggle.

I know that it is hard. I know when you are in this battle or at the crossroad at times we are tired, weary, and just wanting to give up. I know fighting is hard. However- next time you are standing there deciding to fight or die remember the truth! Say it out loud! Scream it! Tell random demon to piss off!

You are loved. Your life matters. period.

❤️KGB

Thank you Renee Swope for the words of encouragement! Her post Words for the Weary here .