Single 101: Part 3

Part 3

You know I have kids, right?

You might have kids or not have kids. For some of us: this is our season of life right now.  In the last two years, I know 5 moms who have all gotten divorced.  Many of us are starting over in the career world, and the dating world.  With kids.  My kids are not my identity but, um duh, a very huge part of my life.  

I will continue to put their needs 1st before my dating life. 

You need to continue to put your kids first.  My main advice: don’t rely on a new relationship to help you be a better parent. Many people rush into a relationship to make single parenting life easier.  I am sorry but do you want a wife or husband or do you need a nanny?  

You need to be a confident parent on your own before you bring someone new into your life.  

Again, see part 1 and part two. If any of those areas need some work, then maybe dating should wait.  How will you know if the new person will mesh well with your children’s hearts and personality; without knowing if you can be friends first with that person? How can you say you want this person around your kids without knowing if God is in their life?  Do you know if they are financially stable? Do you if you are financially stable? 

Again, you will not notice red flags if you aren’t confident on your own.

I have two kids and want a partner not another child.  I want a partner.  However, having a partner will never come before my kids.  

You already have an existing tribe that you oversee the care of and adding a tribe member is serious.  Yep, you heard me, a tribe. At my house, we have a sign that says: “Our Tribe. Establish 2015. ” Our tribe is exclusive.  My kids have been hurt.  I have been hurt.  Our tribe is re-establishing.  I won’t rush them or myself.  I won’t be selfish and let someone into the tribe that will or could possibly hurt us more or cause chaos.  I know that whoever God brings to this tribe will be patient, will not push, and have lots of respect. 

Don’t bring people in without knowing that they have a lasting place in the tribe.  Everyone who is in the tribe has needs that are different.  Right now if all the needs aren’t being met then how can you bring in another?  

The relationship between you and the person your dating should be solid before bringing them to the tribe.  I hope in your new relationship, you can recognize if someone is forcing a relationship on your child or children or yourself.   Raise your hand if you have seen another person join a tribe too soon or before the new tribe had re-established itself.   Didn’t it make life 10x harder than it needed to be?  Did it take years to fix?   Did heal or hurt?   If they are overly eager to be in their life or moving too fast; you should be protecting your kids hearts and minds from that craziness.  

Your children are the most important thing.  That is your legacy.  This is your 1st priority.  You will know when the time is right if you are confident in yourself, seeking God for direction and have a solid tribe before you introduce someone new to it.
Again, this is my thoughts.  Things I 100% believe in.  My story is still being written but I won’t settle.  I will protect my tribe.  I am raising a queen and king.  I am getting my shit together.  I won’t apologize for that.  I won’t apologize for taking care of them or myself 1st. 


Emotionally Slutty

Here I am again in this awkward hard place where I don’t know if I was just being open, transparent, vulnerable or just plain emotionally slutty.


This is a quote from a famous TV show; Sex and the City. This quote makes me laugh, but always seems to be a little too true. I am hoping I was more the first option: open, transparent and vunerable.

However- I wonder:

When are you suppose to keep those walls up and when are you suppose to spill your guts?!? Is there a fine line we should walk or formula that we should follow?! Or should we be willing to show it all and tell all; and not give a damn on who receives it well and who doesn’t ?

I can’t ever seem to get this right. When I tend to share and be open; I tend to be burned by that person. When I tend to be cautious and not share; I tend to be burned by that person, too.

So is it me or is it them? Could it be both of us?! I have a feeling it is both.

Most people say just give people time. Get to know them. The Christian answer is “guard your heart and let the Holy Spirit direct your words and step; you will know who to trust and when to share!” (puke!)

Sorry but that makes me feel a little queasy.

Can I just say you might just obey the Holy Spirit but that doesn’t mean you won’t be hurt. Ouch! I know!

People are human and make stupid mistakes that sometimes means you (and I) can get hurt.

So now what?!

I don’t know. Ha! That is the most honest answer I could truly give. I am 32 years old and feel very much on that outside of every circle. I see the fake a mile away. Some days I desire to fit in with those people but then I remember that I don’t like fake people and my desire quickly fades. I also know that God created me to not be like them…so (sigh) …I am right back where I started.

I do not like seeing people come and go. I don’t understand the ones who pretend to get to know you and care for you and yet when things get to deep they run. I don’t like it and I don’t get it.

However, what if we (the people who are willing to be honest with others about who we are and share our stories and our hearts) seriously just kept on being emotionally slutty open and honest and said screw it to those who decide to walk away for what ever reason?

What if we just decide that we will show it all no matter what the other person decides. What if we trust God to use our emotionally slutty daring vulnerability however He sees fit and not give a second thought if the other person stays or run?!

Hard to always do; I know. Easier said then done…I know that, too. This is were I also want to tell you to be a little cautious on just how soon you open up but then that just puts us back onto confusion island. Instead, I think I will just say this:

Be willing to be who you are.


Be willing to share your thoughts and emotions.

Be willing to say how you feel and what you think.

Be willing to say I am not okay instead of “fine”.

Be willing to have those deep conversations.



Be willing to be real.


Be willing to be a friend that goes deep.


If all else fails remember this:


God uses all things for His glory. He turns ashes into beauty. So go ahead be open, honest and vunerable. It may feel emotionally slutty but I think it is incredibly brave.




I don’t know about you but sometimes this girl just needs to be free. Free from editing or correcting or censoring. Five minute Fridays gives me time to just do that. To write from my heart and sometimes my mind without filtering. Worrying. Fixing.

If you need a moment to write freely like that join

Every Friday we are given a word. You then write for 5 minutes. No editing. No worrying. Just write. Then link it up onto her site and comment on another blogger. !!!Be encouraging!!!

I request you to read a couple of the link-ups. They are amazing you won’t regret it.

Happy Friday I hope to see you join this link up and I can’t wait to read you freed up writings.



Mine are weak but his are strong…

Why do I forget this many times a day?

I have only two hands. Yet, I try to carry the world.

He did not make me to carry the world…Oh how I try though…every day.

I have two hands yet many times I act like I have a dozen.

I drive a car, talk on the cell phone and try to open up a water bottle for the child in the back seat.

I know in these many moments he gently reminds me two hands daughter.

Just like my daddy did when teaching me to drive. Two hands on the wheels…10 and 2….

Only two hands.

Why do I feel like two is never enough.

My servants heart paired with the achiever in me seems to think these two hands can handle it all.

Most days when trying to juggle it all with these two hands and all has failed; I throw my hands straight up and scream “I give up! here God you do it.”

He quickly sweeps in and reminds my soul “oh how I love to see your hands up…empty… Free…no chains….”

In many of my “don’t have enough hand moments ” I can feel him grabbing my hands. Dancing with me. Reminding me of who I am.

His hands with deep scars, interlocked with mine, remind me that two hands were enough to be nailed to a cross for me.

His hands are strong. Mine are weak.

My two hands were made to worship a king.

My two hands will be raised high…. At 10 and 2…Empty and free.

two hands are enough daughter