Single 101: Part 3

Part 3

You know I have kids, right?

You might have kids or not have kids. For some of us: this is our season of life right now.  In the last two years, I know 5 moms who have all gotten divorced.  Many of us are starting over in the career world, and the dating world.  With kids.  My kids are not my identity but, um duh, a very huge part of my life.  

I will continue to put their needs 1st before my dating life. 

You need to continue to put your kids first.  My main advice: don’t rely on a new relationship to help you be a better parent. Many people rush into a relationship to make single parenting life easier.  I am sorry but do you want a wife or husband or do you need a nanny?  

You need to be a confident parent on your own before you bring someone new into your life.  

Again, see part 1 and part two. If any of those areas need some work, then maybe dating should wait.  How will you know if the new person will mesh well with your children’s hearts and personality; without knowing if you can be friends first with that person? How can you say you want this person around your kids without knowing if God is in their life?  Do you know if they are financially stable? Do you if you are financially stable? 

Again, you will not notice red flags if you aren’t confident on your own.

I have two kids and want a partner not another child.  I want a partner.  However, having a partner will never come before my kids.  

You already have an existing tribe that you oversee the care of and adding a tribe member is serious.  Yep, you heard me, a tribe. At my house, we have a sign that says: “Our Tribe. Establish 2015. ” Our tribe is exclusive.  My kids have been hurt.  I have been hurt.  Our tribe is re-establishing.  I won’t rush them or myself.  I won’t be selfish and let someone into the tribe that will or could possibly hurt us more or cause chaos.  I know that whoever God brings to this tribe will be patient, will not push, and have lots of respect. 

Don’t bring people in without knowing that they have a lasting place in the tribe.  Everyone who is in the tribe has needs that are different.  Right now if all the needs aren’t being met then how can you bring in another?  

The relationship between you and the person your dating should be solid before bringing them to the tribe.  I hope in your new relationship, you can recognize if someone is forcing a relationship on your child or children or yourself.   Raise your hand if you have seen another person join a tribe too soon or before the new tribe had re-established itself.   Didn’t it make life 10x harder than it needed to be?  Did it take years to fix?   Did heal or hurt?   If they are overly eager to be in their life or moving too fast; you should be protecting your kids hearts and minds from that craziness.  

Your children are the most important thing.  That is your legacy.  This is your 1st priority.  You will know when the time is right if you are confident in yourself, seeking God for direction and have a solid tribe before you introduce someone new to it.
Again, this is my thoughts.  Things I 100% believe in.  My story is still being written but I won’t settle.  I will protect my tribe.  I am raising a queen and king.  I am getting my shit together.  I won’t apologize for that.  I won’t apologize for taking care of them or myself 1st. 


We Should Believe in Others, Even if Risky


I am in a weird situation right now.

I see the potential in an amazing individual. I see how they interact with people and the amazing affect they have. I see the talent they bring to the table in many different ways. I see the really awesome gifts God has given this person.

I can also tell you how this person doesn’t see their potential. Or maybe they do but not their full potential. I see the wounds….the lies….the insecurities that holds this person back. This person’s heart isn’t free….I know though that it can be.

The plot gets thicker.

I can tell you how another person had been given the potential to speak life into this individual. To encourage. To mentor. They were not asked to save the other person or to fix the other person: they were just put in the path to just love them. Instead power, control and money stepped in the way. They don’t see how they have hurt themselves and the other person. They are not a bad person. They just loss focus. The business of money became more important than the business of love.

So -here I stand between the two and wonder what happened to believing in people even if it was risky? Whatever happened to seeing the good in people and just loving them to love them. To get nothing in return. To just love them so they can be who they were created to be. So they could reach their full potential. Whatever happened to reaping benefits of just loving another and seeing them shine?

And I am no Pollyanna. I know that loving another is risky. I know loving another and giving them your all may only burn you. I know. . . I know . . . Oh boy do I know. However, I want to do it anyways. I want to love this person and love big.

I believe that others will never see that they are worthy, that they are loved, that they are wanted, or that they are needed until they see it from another first. We may never become who we were created to be until someone else helps us see it.

So what about you? Did someone take a risk on you? Did someone believe in you when you didn’t believe in yourself? Did that help you shine? Aren’t you glad they took the risk?

I am sure we all have someone that we can picture that loved us unconditionally even when it was risky for them. So isn’t it our turn to believe in another even if risky?

For me…that answer is yes.


I will Not Fear Ebola


We are all aware of the current Ebola situation; well I hope. If you haven’t please tell me you have been in a coma!

We may even be more aware now because it has hit a city that you may live in.

I live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. The Ebola Situation is all everyone is talking about.

Before it ever hit our area I was fully aware of the sad and horrible situation in many parts Africa. I like the news. I catch up on it every day…several times a day. I might have a slight addiction.

I have seen the photos and heard the heart breaking stories. My heart was secretly glad that we didn’t have that here in the states.

Terrible I know!

Then they brought the doctor here. Then they brought the nurse. My heart had panic thoughts like why would they do that? What will happen.

Horribly selfish right?!? Please forgive me.

Then they got better and they were released; my heart had a different thought. I wondered “If we can do that here why can’t we do that there?” Or “why aren’t we doing that over there?”

So I researched. Read. Asked questions. I have never stopped learning…Learning helps fight the fear. Or does it?

See my fear didn’t go away. My fears never really have. Learning just made my fear feel false hope. My fear always just felt under control like I had taken some drug to relax the fear when really all I had done was tried to have knowledge. Or tried to understand. Knowledge is good. Knowledge is powerful. BUT Knowledge does not replace trust.

We should learn and read. We should be wise and have knowledge. But knowledge is not trust. Knowledge does not always mean everything ends up the way you want it.

See my fear is not just the Ebola virus, the fear is the great unknown of what the future holds. What if my family gets this? What if the country has an epidemic ? What if this causes wide spread panic and this happens…..what if….what if….What if….

I can’t control the future. Knowing all about this virus won’t stop it from coming to American soil. It won’t stop people from fearing the worse.

However, knowing the person who heals….reminds me in these times to ask who do I trust? Knowing in these times who has the victory….reminds me to ask where does my peace come from? I have to decide to not allow fear to control me. I have to adjust and make myself to turn back to the one who tells me to not be afraid. I have to give him my fears….and my knowledge and trade it for His truth.

Fear seems to be just like this virus. Like this stupid horrible virus; fear is causing communities stress, causing mistrust, anxious thoughts, and death.

We may not like it but Ebola could break out here. We may not like it but we have a choice to let the fear consume us or to say okay God I trust you.

We have clean water, hospitals that follow guidelines, clothes and running water….indoor plumbing…..different procedures with sick and the dead …… the list goes on and on.

But we could still have an Ebola outbreak. That is just the way it is. So, will you fear? Will you arm yourself with knowledge like a drug that you think will calm you? Or will you put all your hope and complete trust in the only one and give up control?

I hope you pick the right one.

The Finish Line is Just Another Start Line

It has taken me years to really understand that the end of something is just the beginning of another something.

For years I hated the end or the finish of something. The end meant a new unknown. I did not like the unknown.

Some stuff finished when it felt like it was not time for it to be finished yet.

I didn’t like when a movie ended; I wanted to know more of what happened.

I didn’t like when a book ended; I needed more from the story line and characters.

I didn’t like when a job ended, or a class ended or when a relationship ended. I didn’t like the end of a good night, or party, or first dance. The end of something good always brought a great sadness.

I use to run cross country and that was the only time the finish line was a welcomed site. That finish line felt like victory. I think some where in my mind I had decided I wanted to always feel that when things finished.

However we all know not all things that end, finish with the feeling of victory.

The end never felt good. The end was words that didn’t bring closure to me. It brought a what now feeling…..


I met Jesus.

He came into my life when so many things had ended. I had searched and searched and searched for that more to life than this thing. Never found it.

Instead He found me. He showed me He was the more than life I had been searching for.

He was the victory I needed.

He showed me He was always the beginning. He was always the end. I would finish something and would never feel lost again.

He changed my heart. Some times the end was a good thing. Finish strong. Don’t give up. I hear this daily.

Some times things have to end.

So now when something ends; I look for the new start line and never look back….I just keep looking at him…. And feel the victory.

The end feels like hope.

The end of something and the start of another. The finish line.

The end.


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Exhale- A Five Minute Friday Thought


The devil reminds me the car is fixed but that we owe $500. The devil reminds me as we go to sleep with no AC that we have no money to fix this. The devil reminds me of things that start to hurt. All I can do is….

Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.

This is not Lamaze. This is life. I gotta laugh when I can.

Where will the money come
from to fix that?

Fight the tears. Fight the feelings.

Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Oh! No! Lord, first the roof then the car; why now the AC?

Dig deep. Hear the truth.


Trust that He is for you and uses all things for good.


All I can do is keep trusting him. All I can do is inhale Him and exhale me.

All I can do is recall All the times before that He has provided and taken care of every detail.

All I can do is trust his word….do not be anxious! He takes care of the birds and YOU are more valuable than the birds! Do not be anxious about tomorrow. Matthew 6:25-34

Inhale. . . Exhale. . .

This is life. Not Lamaze.





I release you.

Sounds so ugly but really it is a beautiful thing.

In my mind and in my heart; I have released many things that needed to be free.

Like the clouds that finally break open, and release the sunlight that is burning to be free behind them.

Freeing my mind.

Release is an act of love.

Release is an act of trust.

Release expectations.

Release hurt.

Release anger.

Release your stuff.

Release allows more of Him.